A SHOCKING picture said to show Amber Heard’s poo in bed that led to her divorce from Johnny Depp was today the latest dirty laundry aired in their dramatic Hollywood trial.
How is it possible to pun in times like these. Marriage is the most sacred of all vows, and Ms. Heard just shit all over it. And also on the bed as well.
The grim image was shown to one of the most respected judges in the UK as unsavoury details of the couple’s tumultuous relationship were played out.
Alrighty goyim, prepare yourself. I don’t have a spoiler tag plugin, so I have to show the image itself.
Look I’m just saying, psyche yourself up, it’s real bad. When you’re ready, scroll down.
Or skip over it quickly.
What. The. Fuck. Amber?
Depp, 57, vowed to divorce “Amber Turd” after claiming she left poo in the bed in revenge for a furious birthday bust-up.
I make fun of a lot of these Hollywood types and the stuff they’re into, but I kind of have to side with Johnny here. It’s not really clear what the path to redemption is when honeybuns starts pottytraining on the marital bed.
The star said it was a “fitting end” to his relationship with the 34-year-old after the “crass” act in their marital bed in LA in April 2016.
I was never attracted to Amber Heard. She always just looked like some trashy pornstar who happened to suck the right dicks in Hollywood, and was thus astroturfed for a few years as the next big starlet. So it’s not hard for me to sympathize with Depp NOPEing TF out of that marriage, although I can’t understand why he YES’d into it in the first place.
All of which kind of makes me wonder, how attractive would I need to find the girl in order to tolerate her literally shitting the bed in anger?
Quick, Emma Watson got angry because you showed up two hours late to her birthday and shit on the bed. Do you forgive her?
I’m genuinely curious how stunningly beautiful the girl needs to be before this kind of behaviour can be tolerated. I’m not sure it exists. Getting so angry that she shits in the bed is such weird behaviour that I think it’s kind of a deal breaker.
In fact, I know it’s a deal breaker. That sort of disgusting behaviour would really wilt my boner. And I guess it was so offputting that it was too much, even for Johnny Depp.
It’s also sort of interesting how subjective female beauty is. And I don’t mean that in the fake and ghey “it’s okay to be a landwhale,” sense. There are plenty of objective markers of beauty, such as white teeth, clear skin, an athletic looking body, etcetera. What I mean is that I’ve had plenty of only somewhat cute girls be attracted to me, and instantly be seen by me as the absolute cutest girl in the whole entire world.
A lot of young people have this idea that you have to be a stunningly handsome or beautiful individual in order to have anyone find you attractive. That’s just not true. Take care of your body, wear clothes that fit you, groom yourself properly, have decent hygiene, and I can as much as guarantee you that you’ll find someone who you view as a 10/10. That’s because if you find any decently attractive person who finds you attractive, you’ll instantly look at them as the Roman Ideal of Beauty.
It’s another reason why I hate online TikTok culture so much. It promotes an obsession with beauty that is unhealthy, and harmful, especially to young people with no real life experiences. If someone isn’t directly in front of you, it’s easy to dismiss them as slightly less hot than the previous online person. It’s very easy to look at someones physical flaws. But if they look at you with that glint in your eye, you would suddenly find yourself not simply intrigued but downright smitten.
Cleaner Hilda Vargas today said she was “horrified and disgusted” to find the “fresh faeces” which she said could only have been left by a human.
The housekeeper, who has worked for Depp for more than 30 years, said: “I pulled back the top sheet on the bed and saw a large pile of faeces.
“I was horrified and disgusted. It was clear to me that this was human faeces.
“I knew that the faeces could not have come from either of Mr Depp’s or Ms Heard’s two small dogs.”
Also, I forgot to mention. When you do find that special someone, try to avoid shitting on their bed.
The poo had been found in the couple’s bed the morning after Depp had been two hours late to Heard’s 30th birthday party at the Eastern Columbia Building in Los Angeles.
Look, I know it can be hard to not shit on your boyfriend or girlfriends bed. I personally once got so mad at an ex-girlfriend that I stood over her while she was sleeping, newspaper in hand, jeans at my ankles. I was waiting for her to roll over so I could have a bit of space to shit on her side of the bed, and then tuck myself in for a nice snooze.
Fortunately, it took her too long to roll over, and I reassessed the situation. She had forgotten to order extra sweet and sour sauce for my Chicken McNuggets, so I realized what nutcase I was for shitting on her side of the bed. I calmed down, and the next morning, when she had left, I peed in her favourite slippers and then blamed her cat.
Ms Wass said Depp then “grabbed Heard by the hair and pushed her to the ground”.
Depp allegedly left a note for his wife reading “Happy f***ing birthday”, something the star denies.
Look, Amber Heard is a nutcase, but don’t ever let the Manlet Cult tell you that, because Johnny Depp wasn’t “alpha” enough, or some other retarded nonsense, that you can’t find a nice girl who won’t shit in your bed and tell everyone you hit her.
She’s out there for you bro, she just needs you to get in decent shape and ask for her number.
American author iO Tillett Wright named in court as a possible culprit for leaving the excrement in the bed.
I looked up this “iO Tillet Wright,” and it’s a “queer poet,” and probably a tranny. So I guess it’s possible that Amber Heard never really shit the bed after all.
Poor girl got framed by a tranny.
You know, she is single…
