EEI Cutscene 1-2 – Predditor Overdose

For the previous cutscene, go here.

SCENE: Back in The Daily Rake’s lavish news studio, with Fallulah and Dr. Shekelstein. The player has just finished the first level, which only had a few enemies. The camera is focused on him.

The Notorious Dr. Shekelstein: Fallulah, if I’m being completely honest. I have no idea what the heck I just saw. It looked like a bunch of weird grey people. 

Fallujah McJones: Those were the Reddit Admins.

Shekelstein: You talked about them earlier and I’m not sure that I get it. 

Fallulah: What don’t you get?

Shekelstein: I mean, why reddit admins? You said that there were militarized police, spellcasting cabalists, mecha undead George Soros, angry blacktivists, some others I forgot?

Fallulah: Adult baby diaper fetishists, Israel loving antifas, IDF snipers, machine gunners, FtM trannies who throw their ersatz penises at you, body positive activists – 

Shekelstein: Body positive activists? What’d they do, sit on you?

Fallulah: No, they explode when they get close and inside of them are numerous cancers that have grown sentient which chase down the player afterwards.

Shekelstein: I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around that.

Fallulah: Imagine the flood carrier from Halo, but instead of that it’s fat people.

Shekelstein: Oh, I think I get it now.

Fallulah: Right.

Shekelstein: But my point was that I can see those creatures being used in defense of the tower of zion. But Reddit Admins? Who would use them to fight?

Fallulah: Well a bunch of them did go over to Ukraine.

Shekelstein: You know I’d totally forgotten about that. Remember when they got themselves killed by tweeting out their own barracks?

*audience laughs. Shekelstein continues*

I don’t think now is the time or place to get into that, but we’ll definitely have to circle back to that later. 

Fallulah: Right, but I actually don’t think that most of the Reddit Admins were the types to go over to Ukraine, since they didn’t use guns.

Shekelstein: What did they use?

Fallulah: They mindlessly charged me. When they got close, they used a combination of weak but fast slaps and stench to do damage to me. 

NOTE: I have to go back to the first cutscene and add in the stuff about the shields. 

Shekelstein: If I may be so bold, I’m predicting that they’re the type of cheap, spammy enemy that will be making an appearance in just about every level of Epstein’s Dungeon.

Fallulah: Yes, I had to kill a lot of Reddit Admins.

Shekelstein: I’m sorry for any trauma that caused you.

Fallulah: No, I fucking loved it.

*The crowd cheering track cuts in. Shekelstein is taken aback for just half a second, before a smile lights up his face. He addresses the audience.* 

Shekelstein: Ladies and Gentlemen, a strong, independent woman who enjoys killing Reddit Mods.

*Crowd claps and cheers appropriately.*

Shekelstein: So what can we expect to see in the second level? 

Fallulah: Unfortunately, I had taken them by surprise at the start. There were only a few predditors milling about, but word got out.

Shekelstein: Oh no. I’ll be there were new enemies like security guards or something. 

Fallulah: No, just tons and tons of Preddit Admins to mow down. 

Shekelstein: Well that does at least sound very cathartic.

SCENE END, LEVEL BEGIN