Three weeks post-launch, CNN’s new streaming service plans to shut down.

Three weeks? Gay marriages have lasted longer.

On Thursday, the media giant confirmed that its parent company, Warner Bros. Discovery, will shut down CNN+ on April 30.

Three weeks. I can’t get over that. How is it possible to fuck up this badly? With the amount of time and effort that goes into these things, three years before shutting down would be considered a colossal failure. Three months before shutting down would be a joke. Three weeks is almost like there’s secretly one of our goys at the top of CNN and he’s just trying to make them look retarded.

What they’re saying: Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav hopes to house all the different brands under one streaming service, and CNN+ programming is also a part of that.

“In a complex streaming market, consumers want simplicity and an all-in service which provides a better experience and more value than stand-alone offerings, and, for the company, a more sustainable business model to drive our future investments in great journalism and storytelling,” Discovery’s streaming boss J.B. Perrette said in a statement.

“We have very exciting opportunities ahead in the streaming space and CNN, one of the world’s premier reputational assets, will play an important role there,” Perrette added.

That’s corporate speak. What it means is “we fucked up. LOL this is a turd and it’s getting aborted like an Arab man’s child in an Israeli skank.”

Details: The decision comes after the merger, which makes current plans incompatible.

  • CNN+ had close to 150,0000 subscribers. According to Axios, CNN executives considered the launch a success, but Warner Bros. Discovery wants to build one giant service around HBO Max.
  • To cut costs and streamline leadership, many high-level positions at WarnerMedia are being eliminated.

It was such a success that Warner is holocausting all the executives responsible for it.

Originally, CNN+ wasn’t going to be like cable news. Instead, it featured a variety of live daily and weekly shows, live news coverage and original TV shows and movies like “Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown.”  

  • Discovery executives were not happy with the launch and hoped it would happen after the merger. But CNN had already sunk tens of millions of dollars in recruiting big, pricey media stars for the new streaming service, along with a big marketing campaign to go with it.
  • It launched on March 28 with a subscription of $5.99 a month or $59.99 a year. Customers will receive prorated refunds for their purchased subscriptions. 

Tens of millions of dollars plus a big budget marketing campaign. I’ve heard from people in film that the budget for the film is usually only half of the budget for marketing. So let’s assume that they spend $50 million on the product, and then $100 million on the marketing. Hell, let’s even assume $100 million for the whole thing.

It lasted three weeks.

What a pack of retards.

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