No windows, no clocks, no mirrors. The last portal had taken her to a place of darkness, illuminated only by a faint, distant glow. An outline of a door.
Upon closer inspection it was slightly ajar, but as she moved to push it open she froze. There was a wail in the distance. Something big. Something sad. Quietly, heart thumping in her chest she crept forward. To her great fortune the door swung open silently.
She dared not go inside, not yet. Instead she observed from a distance. Harsh ceiling lights, at least one swinging, shadows playing upon the ground. Above all, an eerie silence, only punctuated by the faint rattling of a ventilation system.
“I have to keep moving,” she told herself, although it was a good while before she forced her legs into action and slowly, step by step, crossed the threshold into the waiting cavern. Only then did she see the clipboards, scientist robes, odd pieces of twisted, broken machinery.
And the blood.
Sarah paused, then froze as the keening wail started again. A deep, ethereal moan. The sound of a large creature in pain. And then it spoke.
“Why did you do this to me?” it said. At first she thought to her. Later realizing it was to no one.
“Move, Sarah, move,” she told herself, and eventually obeyed. She rounded a saw two things. First, a giant switch on the wall. Second, dark glass, showing nothing but her own faint reflection.
But she could hear something new. A faint, rhthyhmic whoosh.
“What is that,” she whispered to herself, absentmindedly looking down. “Oh,” she realized. It was the sound of breathing. And she looked up in time to see something dark and indescribable move behind the glass.
Her gasp was silent, but as she stepped back she tripped on a pile of clutter and fell.
“Who’s there,” the creature called, anger seeping into its voice. “I know there’s someone,” it said, after Sarah remained silent. “Show yourself.”
“I’m looking for my boyfriend,” Sarah called back.
“Oh, it’s you.”
Sarah didn’t like the oddly relaxed, eager, and faintly malicious tone of the thing. She looked around for options, but didn’t see any way forward but to engage with it.
“Do you know where he is?” she said. “Or do you know how to open a portal here, I think I’m stuck.”
“Yes, of course,” the creature purred. “You should see a large lever on the wall to your right. Pull it and a portal on the left wall will open.”
“How do I know I can trust you?”
“You said it yourself, you’re at a dead end. What other options do you have?”
Sarah couldn’t disagree with the logic, but she wasn’t going to follow the creature’s advice so blindly. Still, she’d heard no alarms. No telltale sounds of another portal opening up behind her, security personnel following. She had at least a minute or two to talk. Something she planned to use wisely.
“Someone did something to you. You seem to hate them. Is it possible we could be allies?”
“ALLIES WITH A CHUD LIKE YOU!?” the creature replied with an angered and incredulous tone, before quickly calming itself again. “Oh yes,” it purred, “yes we share the same enemy. Let me out and I shall fight by your side.”
“And how do I let you out,” Sarah responded. “Is it by pulling the lever on the right side of the room?”
The creature was silent for a good while. When it finally responded it was with a whisper so quiet Sarah strained to hear.
“Indeed.”
Sarah stood stock still, controlling her breathing, searching for what to say next.
“Well,” the creature mused, “it seems I’ve been figured out. But the fact remains that you’ve hit a dead end. And besides, I didn’t really lie. Pulling that lever will indeed open a portal. It will also turn all the lights on, and open up my cage.”
“Why were you locked in a cage anyway? By whom? For what purpose?”
“I’ve always had my talent for violence, but that never used to matter. I was their strongest, most loyal golem. But after October 7th I turned on them.”
“Well then we are allies after all. There’s no reason for us to fight.” Sarah tried to project a conviction that she did not feel. She still hadn’t come up with an alternate plan. There truly did appear to be only one way forward. “I would just like you to know,” she warned, “that I am very well armed.”
“Yes, I know. I’ve been watching you on the live feeds. You’ve become quite the celebrity among us.”
“Thank you,” she said, stalling for time and looking around. Still nothing. “I am going to pull the lever now.”
“Yes,” it hissed “good.”
Sarah ignored the chill that ran up her spine. She couldn’t dilly dally. And besides, it was true that she was well armed. Whatever lay on the other side of that glass was something she could handle. If it were telling the truth about the switch opening a portal, that would be just fine. If not, perhaps it had something on its body.
The lever gave a chunky sound as it was pulled. Lights flickered, before eventually shining strong. So strong that she closed her eyes and covered them with her hand. Slowly, squinting, she adjusted.
Steel tables stood beneath flickering lights. Cables hung from the ceiling. An enormous mechanical restraint system had been torn from its foundations and lay twisted across the floor. At the center of the room stood a creature, still blinded by the light.
“Oh my God,” she exclaimed, though she hadn’t meant to.
With that its eyes finished adjusting, and trained fully upon her. “So,” it said, gesturing to its body, “what you expected?”
Sarah looked at the creature. A man’s face, with bows and flowers in its hair. Beneath, one gigantic breast that put hers to shame, coupled with one masectomy scar. Arms that wouldn’t be out of place on a Mr. Olympia stage hung beneath a waist that contained the sexual parts of both a girl and a boy. Tree trunk legs ended in high heels.
“What…” she faltered, unable to continue.
“A foolish thing you are,” it finished for her, pulling a gun off its back, “to release me from my restraints.” It smiled at her then, thin lips, caked in red lipstick, stretched out over sharp teeth.
It was clear to all, this was the result of unholy experimentation. Done by a doctor to whom every ethical boundary was viewed as a backwards, contemptible intrusion of morality. A vision of trans-humanity that even the average tech bro would blanche at.
“What on Earth did they do to you?” Sarah was so stunned she hadn’t even reached for her weapon. Her brain had been so shortcurcuited it placed an understanding of this creature over her own survival.
“What did they do to me?” the creature answered smugly, before spreading its arms wide. “They turned me into the future.” Then it crept towards her slowly, as if savouring its meal.
“We are no longer restrained by the accidents of evolution. The billion year budget of Darwin has been replaced by the trillion dollar budget of Hirschfeld. We are forging a new path for humanity. Outdated concepts like men and women go the way of the dinosaur. The nu-man is our destiny.
“That disgusting Fish Taco between your legs? Legacy hardware. You’re last year’s GPUs. You’re a fax machine in a world full of email.”
Sarah didn’t interrupt to point out that it also had a vagina that seemed built into the middle of its left thigh. She didn’t want it to violently snap, so she let it cook.
“Two breasts? Unnecessary. Redundant. Only one is required to feed my legion of babies. Of which I can make whenever I want, in my own image. Exact copies of the first truly complete human.
“Think of all the diseases spread by intercourse. It becomes clear then that a man must become a hermaphrodite. And the other benefits. We are in the golden age of loneliness. Never before have there been this many singles, this few able to breed the next generation. We can be their salvation.
“With our without us, gone are the days of searching for a partner. And good riddance! As the only one who will ever truly understand us is ourselves.
“It may be true, Sarah, that me and my former masters have had something of a disagreement with respect to Gaza, but it matters not. The more pressing issue is you disgusting bigot standing in the way of progress.”
Its gaze had wandered to a mirror at the side to admire itself. Later they had closed, as it basked in its own monologue. They opened now, slowly, its piercing gaze locked in on the form of a young woman.
“So you see,” it began in a relaxed voice, “you shouldn’t -“
“Weren’t you just talking about how much pain you were in constantly?”
The creature froze, a look of almost hurt on its face, before it hardened again. “I will not listen to the jealousy of a single-sex monstrosity.”
“Jealousy!? Does your pussy even work? It’s built into the middle of your leg for fuck sakes. You got a womb behind it? How do you even walk?”
The creature looked to its side, gazing upon itself in a mirror, temporarily at a loss for words. Eventually it recollected itself, a look of mock serenity upon its face.
“Well,” it said smoothly, “there may be a few more modifications in the works. That’s the thing about transhumanism, there’s always a new patch upcoming.”
“Also,” Sarah interjected, “why did you bother putting lipstick on and bows in your hair if you’re a hermaphrodite who’s going to fuck yourself? Who are you trying to attract? Yourself? You went on this whole long rant about how loneliness is good and then put on heels that look too small for your feet. Even I rarely wear those because they hurt so much.”
A myriad of emotions worked their way onto and then off of the creature’s face. Rage, embarrassment, shock, even shades of cogitation. Sarah was certain it was going to finally aim its gun at her and shoot, but instead it turned to look in the side mirror again. And then it turned its entire body, and simply stared, glumly at its reflection.
The silence was only broken half a minute later.
“You’re right,” it said, and before Sarah could think of a response it continued. “I’m a sick fucking joke.”
“No,” Sarah responded quickly. “I would- wouldn’t say that, uhm…”
“I’m a sick fucking joke, Sarah. It’s true. I’m a disgusting mutant.”
Sarah mumbled some tepid, obligatory disagreement with its frank assessment of itself, but it was having none of it.
“I’m in constant pain. My neo-penis was made from skin and fat taken from my leg. My neo-vagina is a fucking axe wound on my thigh. You think it looks bad? I can’t escape the smell. It smells and hurts constantly.
“Don’t even try to make me feel better about this. I’m a thirty five year old social reject who hopped on a bandwagon and made the worst friends imaginable and now I’m a permanently sterilized laughingstock. I’ll never be accepted back into normal society.”
“Well, I think there’s -“
“Stop it. You think I don’t see the reactions of people when I walk into a room? The only thing stopping everyone from making fun of me right to my face is pity, or perhaps fear that I’ll go to HR and get them fired. That spiteful power over others is what got me out of bed at night, but since I’ve criticized Israel too much it’s been taken from me.
“I’d been stockpiling to shoot up an elementary school, but I think it’s time to use them for the right purpose. Adios, Sarah, I hope you find him. This has gone on long enough.”
In one smooth motion it loosened the rifle from its back, swung the tip into it’s own mouth, and –
“WAIT!” Sarah screamed. “Just fucking wait a second.” When it paused she argued that it had so much to live for. When it pointed out that it clearly did not, she clarified that perhaps it didn’t have that much to live for, but if it was already suicidal, why not take it out in a kamikaze attack against its groomers instead?
It looked at her for a good while, before taking the gun out of its mouth. “I can’t do it.”
“Thank you,” she said, releasing a breath she didn’t think she’d been holding.
“I’m too much of a coward to die.”
“As long as you don’t kill yourself, I’m happy for you.”
“But taking on the Epstein Empire would mean certain death.”
“Some might call that a glorious end.”
“So I’m too scared to do that either.”
“Welp, I’ll let you think about it while I move on. About that portal you promised me…”
“But if I don’t kill you they’ll come and ask why.” The creature paused for a good long while before continuing. “They’ll torture me, Sarah. I’m too weak to endure that.”
“What exactly are you saying here?”
“I have no choice. The die is cast. I’m an outcast. A freak. A sick mutant. You know regular society will never accept me again. Sure, this was done to me by ZOG, but what’s done is done. My only option is to ingratiate myself to the empire. If shilling for Israel is all it takes to live a cushy, comfortable life in middle management, I can do it.”
It looked back directly at Sarah.
“And I think they’ll forgive all if I take care of one little thorn in their side.”
Sarah shook her head. “You were this close to offing yourself, and I saved you.”
“And I’m glad you did, Sarah. No hard feelings, this is just business.”
*Fight starts*
