Some of you may be wondering right now. Thinking. Pondering. Cognizing.

I can hear your internal monologue right now. I hear it when I close my eyes. A thousand souls all at once shouting: 

What the fuck is the R word?

And the answer is this.

Pictured: An R Word

For bonus fun, try to find if the image above is a parody of Pro-Life Queers, or legitimately the real deal. It’s hard, because they have actually passed laws in the past preventing you from aborting the little R words. Some have called this a clever strategy to increase the Republican voter base long term. But really, it’s just conservatives being full retard because their donors demand it.

I wasn’t kidding when I said cuckservatives have actually passed laws preventing women from getting abortions… if the baby is retarded. You read that correctly. If the baby is healthy, you can kill it. If the baby is a little retard, you must give birth.

For the record, I am against abortion, but only if the baby is NOT retarded.

And also for the record, people who say “all black people look the same,” are wrong. All down syndrome R words look the same. I once saw a picture of a bunch of Asian children with Down Syndrome. They were the least slanty eyed Asians I have ever seen in my entire life. It’s like Downies are their own race of people.

Quick, what race? Answer: R word Race.

Actually I’ve got this really awesome story that both reflects badly on me, and is hilarious, so everyone should listen up. Back when I worked at a local Asian Owned Produce Store, I once had this really cute 18/19 year old girl who would come in with her mother. She and I would sometimes look at each other, and I could tell there was a little summin summin.

I was looking really good back then. Chiseled, nice bod, cute face. Basically a solid 8/10. But all I ever did was work, BJJ, and work out, so it was hard to meet wahmens. Just a few weeks earlier I had the love of my life slip right out from under my hands and I didn’t want to let that happen again.

So then this cutie walks into my life, and I really can’t stress enough how hard this girl was eye-fucking me. When that girl was in the store, she spent 100% of her attention on me, and could barely even follow her Mother around. One time she even started dancing for absolutely no reason in the middle of the store while I was just there with my cart. I distinctly remember thinking,

This is really f’ing weird but this girl is cute and obviously likes me, so I’ll allow it.

One day I work up the courage to start a conversation with her. About two seconds into this conversation, my brain basically explodes, as my nervousness reduces me to an animalistic state. Unable to think, barely able to breathe, swallow, or not fall over, I survive the conversation by making gutteral noises and nodding my head inanely in a way which sort of mimics human behaviour. She doesn’t appear to notice.

At the time, I thought she didn’t realize how weird I was acting because she was incredibly nervous herself. I could tell she was nervous because she was literally shaking as she talked to me, which I thought was really cute. I’m talking full on body shakes, btw, not even hot girl shimmers.

To make all this worse, while this conversation started between us, soon her Mother filters back over to me and just starts watching. And then my coworker starts chuckling to himself as he watches me. And my boss even walks out of his office and gives me a weird look. All of this happens when I ask for the girls number, right there in front of the whole store. And she gave it to me.

I think you can imagine how I felt.

This, but even more smug.

My coworker could not contain his laughter at me, but I brushed this off as a combination of me being a bit silly and him being jealous. Also, happy laughter on his part, he was a good guy. The girl had basically said retarded things to me, but I chalked that up to her being as nervous as I was. I was already imagining our life together.

When my shift ended, I made sure to text her. Well, first I thought “alright you’ve gotta make her werk for this,” but then I just started texting her. I’m not gonna lie, this girl was flat out cute, and I was getting myself hard just thinking about all the naughty things I was going to do to her. So I start texting her, and it’s something like “heyyy, is this the girl from *nameOfStore ;)”. Yes, that’s right. I threw in the winky face. I don’t always, but she was special.

I’ll never forget her reply,

“My name is x, I like to dance and hang out with my friends.”

And I was just baffled because like WTF is this retard talking about? But I kept texting her back, and I kept getting these weird, cryptic responses that weren’t really germane to what I was texting her. It was like I was talking to an alien. Anyway, eventually I texted her something like,

Look, if you’re just trying to antagonize me, I think that’s kinda mean. Goodbye.

Because I thought she was just fucking with me, and leading me on. And I have to admit, I felt kinda bummed. My boner had most definitely wilted a few text exchanges ago, and I was left in a fairly sad state. This was supposed to be my waifu.

The next day, I come back into work, and have the same coworker. I start explaining what happened with the girl to him. And then he says,

Dr. Shekelstein, I didn’t want to tell you this, because love is a fickle thing, and there is nothing as beautiful as the innocence of pure attraction. But I knew that girl from when I went to school, and while she had a sweet disposition, and a pure heart, she had to go to the developmentally challenged stream at EMS. I’m sorry, I’m sure in another life it could have worked out for you, but I think all is for naught.

Only he didn’t really say that, he laughed and said,

Oh yeah that girl was in the retard program at EMS.

So there you have it. In my early twenties I was legitimately so nervous when talking to a girl that I didn’t realize that she was retarded. And I was so far up my own head that I still didn’t realize that she was retarded after 30 minutes of texting her, and her replying with weird shit that had no relation to what I was texting.

In my defense though she was legitimately hawt. I think she might have just been shaken really hard as a baby or something. Or maybe she was dropped on her head and that’s how she got the brain damage. Because looks wise she was pretty damn close to my perfect ten. This was a cute retard if ever there was one.

Apparently this girl is also retarded.

Getting back to our story, Barry Neufeld is as close to our goy as their is amongst those who aren’t explicitly our goys. So the angle they’re going for is trying to oust him. However, this is hard for them, since Barry is both popular and they don’t have any actual mechanism to remove him. This is far from the first thing he’s done to draw their beady eyes. Actually the written CTV article is so hilarious I think I’m going to write another story on that.

Barry Neufeld, Chilliwack School Trustee

He also shows how important these municipal seats truly are. And furthermore, how easy it is to trigger the Democracy Class. You just have to say retard.

After writing this entire story out something hit me. What did her mother think of me? I mean from her perspective there’s this early twenties grocer clerk trying to bang her retarded teenage daughter.

I remember the way she migrated over to us, and she’s standing next to her daughter while I’m trying to run game on her. Or in my case, trying to not be a complete retard when talking to her. What was running through her mind as she watches this sexy young man ask for her retarded daughters number?

But apparently she was fine with it. I did in fact text the girl, and we did in fact have a long conversation. A retarded conversation, but a conversation nevertheless.

I dunno. I just think it would be high priority for a parent to protect their retarded child from guys trying to bang them. Or maybe she was secretly hoping we would get together, and I would remain so nervous that I was oblivious to her retardedness that I knocked her up before snapping out of it.

Maybe she just realized that her daughter’s R Word-ness was going to be a dealbreaker in most relationships, so she wanted to give love a chance. That’s sweet in a sort of sad way.

Poor girl. I hope she found someone.

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1 Comment


    [quote]I wasn’t kidding when I said cuckservatives have actually passed laws preventing women from getting abortions… if the baby is retarded. You read that correctly. If the baby is healthy, you can kill it. If the baby is a little retard, you must give birth. [/quote]

    Well, people call them retardicans for a reason.

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