Instead of biting into a Big Mac from McDonald’s, Russians may soon be queuing up to enjoy the taste of a patriotic ZBurger. The American chain pulled out of Russia in March following the invasion of Ukraine and its 850 restaurants are now poised to undergo a rebrand after being bought by Russian businessman Alexander Govor this week.
McDonalds ragequitting Russia is the kind of thing that shouldn’t be possible under capitalism, according to pro-billionaire propaganda. After all, these companies are supposed to be operating under the absolute tightest of profit margins, where they can’t possibly just throw money away for no reason. Of course, that’s just propaganda, reality is much different.
Many Russians don’t seem too enthusiastic about losing their Big Macs and apple pies — video footage showed hundreds of people in Moscow queuing up for a final taste, echoing images of huge crowds when the first McDonald’s opened there at the end of the Cold War.
But Russia’s Ministry of Trade pushed ahead with an informal consultation on how to rebrand the restaurants regardless.
If you’re curious, McDonalds and the Russian guy who bought it, Alexander Govor, aren’t publishing the details of that deal. You can go ahead and say that Govor bent them over the barrel and showed them all 50 states. Since McDonalds had already announced that they were ragequitting the country, all the leverage was with the Russian side.
McDonald’s opened its first restaurant in Russia in Moscow’s Pushkin Square in 1990, an event that quickly became regarded as one of the defining moments of US consumerism’s triumph over its pallid Soviet rival. McDonald’s announced in March that it was closing its directly controlled restaurants in Russia, including its famous Pushkin Square branch, but its franchised stores have remained open until now.
McDonalds is garbage. I can’t pretend that I’ve never eaten there, but it’s unhealthy soyfeed. Frankly, I don’t find it all that tasty either, although I do remember loving McDonalds breakfasts when I was a kid.
McDonalds symbolizes ZOG, and I’m glad that it does because it is so gross. This is the kind of food that needs to be served piping hot, because when it cools down you realize that you’re eating pure trash. Ever had McDonalds fries that went cold? Who wouldn’t want salty cardboard assaulting their tastebuds?
But ultimately the goal is not to have McDonalds leave Russia. We will know we have won when McDonalds leaves America.
We will know we have won when the United States leaves America. Unus delenda est.