Remember that chess drama that I wrote about a long time ago? Remember how just when it seemed to be over, Magnus Carlsen, the current World Champion, ragequit his game against Hans Niemann? I criticized Carlsen at the time for his pathetic response, what with him never releasing a statement on the matter. For the longest time his only public “statement,” if it can even be called that, was a passive aggressive “cheeky,” celebrity meme where some soccer manager says he can’t say anything.

Of course, Magnus was never under any threat of being fined by a governing body for his comments WRT the Niemann situation, and today his twitter account finally tweeted out a statement.

Unfortunately the text is in the form of an image. I actually don’t blame him for this, as it’s the only way to tweet out a statement, but it does mean that I need to transcribe this by hand. So let me print this out for you.

Dear Chess World,

I knew that Hans Niemann was cheating, because I could feel the vibrations of his anal beads when we played head to head. I myself, being a beta cuck, have a vibrator in my anal cavity almost all games that I play, so I know how easy it would be to cheat this way. I wasn’t going to say anything, but my wife’s boyfriend convinced me that I needed to speak out to save the integrity of this beautiful game we call chess. Cheaters cannot be allowed to prosper, and Hans Niemann definitely has something up his ass that causes him to play 2800+ chess.

Okay he may not have said that exactly, but twitter user Piankton cracked the code, getting to the heart of the matter.

As for the actual text of Carlsen’s statement we have the following.

Dear Chess World,

At the 2022 Sinquefield Cup, I made the unprecedented professional decision to withdraw from the tournament after my round three game against Hans Niemann. A week later during the Champions Chess Tour, I resigned against Hans Niemann after playing only one move.

I know that my actions have frustrated many in the chess community. I’m frustrated. I want to play chess. I want to continue to play chess at the highest level in the best events.

I believe that cheating in chess is a big deal and an existential threat to the game. I also believe that chess organizers and all those who care about the sanctity of the game we love should seriously consider increasing security measures and methods of cheat detection for over the board chess. When Niemann was invited last minute to the 2022 Sinquefield Cup, I strongly considered withdrawing prior to the event. I ultimately chose to play.

I believe that Niemann has cheated more – and more recently – than he has publicly admitted. His over the board progress has been unusual, and throughout our game in the Sinquefield Cup I had the impression that he wasn’t tense or even fully concentrating on the game in critical positions, while outplaying me as black in a way I think only a handful of players can do. This game contributed to changing my perspective.

We must do something about cheating, and for my part going forward, I don’t want to play against people that have cheated repeatedly in the past, because I don’t know what they are capable of doing in the future.

There is more that I would like to say. Unfortunately, at this time I am limited in what I can say without explicit permission from Niemann to speak openly. So far I have only been able to speak with my actions, and those actions have stated clearly that I am not willing to play chess with Niemann. I hope that the truth on this matter comes out, whatever it may be.

Magnus Carlsen – World Chess Champion

Magnus Carlsen

Well well well. There’s quite a lot to unpack here, but let’s back up in time to just after Carlsen resigned on move 2 in his game against Niemann. The game they played was part of the Meltwater Champions Chess Tour, which is composed of a series of smaller tournaments. The smaller tournament they were playing, the Julius Baer Generation Cup, was broken down into a preliminary round with sixteen players, followed by a series of matches for the eight players who qualify for the playoffs.

Despite intentionally losing against Niemann, Carlsen broke the record for most points in the preliminary round, before absolutely stomping everyone on his way to the finals versus Indian GM Argjun Erigaisi. He proceeded to crush Erigaisi in the finals, scoring 5.5/6, and became the first player ever to break the 2900 barrier for that tour, although that is not an official FIDE rating, and these were rapid games. You can see his postmatch interview below.

I’ve been critical of Carlsen’s actions, but I would never pretend that he isn’t a deserving Chess World Champion. When he’s on form he’s a clear notch above everyone else in the field, and this does lend some weight to his suspicions against Niemann. Suspicions that we need to revisit.

I believe that Niemann has cheated more – and more recently – than he has publicly admitted. His over the board progress has been unusual, and throughout our game in the Sinquefield Cup I had the impression that he wasn’t tense or even fully concentrating on the game in critical positions, while outplaying me as black in a way I think only a handful of players can do. This game contributed to changing my perspective.

I bolded a sentence of his that deserves response. First, he claims that he got a weird sense in terms of body language from Niemann, where he wasn’t behaving the way he should have at the board. This isn’t nothing, but it isn’t exactly something either. Niemann had a camera on him the entire game, and apparently no one else noticed that he wasn’t “fully concentrated,” on the game.

Then again, it also comes across as Carlsen butthurt that he was “easily,” outplayed in a chess game. Everyone who has taken a look at the game itself has concluded that it’s just a normal chess game where Carlsen plays poorly. Niemann even gave Carlsen multiple chances to draw the game, with some very human errors in the endgame.

All of which casts doubt on Carlsen’s claim that only some tiny amount of people could outplay him with the black pieces. Normally that would be true, but if he played so poorly against most players, he’d find out that pretty much any 2700+ player could outplay him with both colours. In fairness to Carlsen, if you think your opponent is cheating that can screw with your head, and make you play much worse than normal.

I believe that Niemann has cheated more – and more recently – than he has publicly admitted. His over the board progress has been unusual –

We also have to address this vague claim by Carlsen. He doesn’t specify if Niemann was cheating online or over the board. He sort of insinuates that Niemann has seen his rating shoot up faster than it ought to in over the board (OTB) chess, without coming out and saying “I think he’s cheated OTB.” 

Niemann’s OTB ratings, pictured above, don’t appear to be all that unusual. We know almost for certain that he’s not cheating in OTB blitz events, and his blitz rating only lags his classical rating due to him not playing as many events recently. We also see a long hiatus in his ratings growth due to a lack of events during Covid-19. Once again, none of this proves that he isn’t somehow cheating OTB, but it’s really not all that unusual.

There’s also a podcast where Laurent Fressinet, a former 2700+ player, talks about playing blitz against Niemann along with a few other GMs at a bar. He claims that Niemann managed to beat them handily in these extremely informal blitz games. He also reiterates that Niemann is pretty much a chess hermit who stays inside all day working on his chess, before taking a clear swipe at Hikaru Nakamura, one of the loudest Hans critics.

So zat was my uhhmm – no, just to say that Naka [Hikaru Nakamura] is trying to sell some stories that are not true. And he probably knows about it, that he’s saying some bullshit, but that’s how it was I guess.

Pretty much the biggest fuck you in the history of chess trash talk.

However, this literal tranny begs to differ.

You see Niemann has played a few games with 100% engine accuracy, allegedly, and this is just completely hands down evidence that he cheated. Well Kenneth Regan, an anti-cheat expert used by FIDE, analyzed all of Hans Niemann’s OTB games for the past two years and found not just no evidence of cheating, but a great deal of evidence suggesting Niemann is not cheating.

Niemann’s performances, as analyzed by an engine, have a normal distribution. In other words, he doesn’t have a few exceptional games, which would be indication of cheating, or even a cluster. He has some excellent games, about the same number of terrible ones, and everything in between. 

I think at this point anyone denying that Niemann is at least a 2700+ player, and probably closer to something like 2750 strength, is delusional. Him being a great player does not in any way disprove the claim that he’s cheated OTB, and we know that he cheated when he was younger online. I can’t tell you the truth, because I don’t know.

But just like in my very first piece, this drama should be studied for great lessons on what to do, and what not to do, for anyone doing anything remotely political. Even if we assume that Carlsen’s suspicions are indeed true, and not only is Niemann a much bigger cheater online, as well as being a cheater OTB, but cheated against him in the game against him specifically, the way he handled this is so cowardly and effeminate that it completely turns me off. If Carlsen had some balls, he would have immediately made the statement he made yesterday after he dropped out of the Sinquefield Cup in St. Louis. But he decided not to, and pretended like he was going to get in trouble with the imaginary Chess Police or something.

Then he resigns on move 2 against Niemann in another tournament, still without releasing any statement. Finally, a solid three weeks later, he releases a statement where his evidence that Hans was cheating is that, you know, he just sort of got a weird vibe when playing him.

The only real accusations he’s made are that Niemann has not been entirely honest with his online cheating admissions. tends to handle cheating stuff privately, so it’s possible that he would be (minorly) risking a lawsuit by delving into specifics, assuming there’s something he’s going on here. But if he really cared about chess integrity, then you would think he’d be falling upon the sword to fight the good fight against cheating. But he isn’t, because that’s not his MO.

(((Max Dlugy))) proven cheater who once taught Niemann through his New York Chess Max Academy school. It’s unclear their relation.

My personal take is that Niemann probably did cheat online more than he let on. Carlsen may or may not have had inside information on this, due to his partial ownership of through his company which was recently bought by them. And if Carlsen just said “he’s a cheater, I don’t want to enter any events with him,” that would be respectable. But instead he huffs for three weeks before releasing the statement he should have released the day he dropped out of the tournament. In the meantime, he screwed with the standings in the Sinquefield Cup, as well as the Meltwater Open, by artificially helping the players who had lost to him at the SC, and hurting the players who lost out to Niemann for the playoff at the MO. That’s not the actions of a brave man standing up for what’s right, but rather a petulant manchild.

This entire affair reminds us all that people who are intelligent in one way, in this case playing chess, can be narcissistic social idiots. Again, Carlsen could be 100% right, but people will respect you more if you come out and say something controversial, instead of sulking and insinuating for weeks instead.

You may also like


  1. Carlsen is like the college tough guy who beat the shit out of anyone he challenges (or challenges him) to a fight. One day he’s at a bar, blackout drunk, and he makes the idiotic decision to challenge Niemann (who is practically sober). Unsurprisingly, Niemann KOs Carlsen, but Carlsen’s pride is shattered. He starts claiming that Niemann hit him with a bottle, he had brass knuckles, or he was using steroids.

    It doesn’t matter if Niemann cheated in the past. Carlsen lost fair and square. I don’t know FIDE’s rules on unsportmanlike conduct, but they’d probably bend the rules for the world champion anyways. If I was in charge I’d ban his ass for a year, and take away his title. The world champion should be willing to play anyone who registers to compete in the same tournament.

    1. Pretty much my thoughts exactly. Carlsen’s refusal to just admit that he played terribly against Hans is what pushes me over the edge. If he simply said “I couldn’t focus on the game due to thinking I was being cheated,” that would be fine. But no, he has to pretend that Hans not being intimidated by him, and not being arbitrarily stressed out enough is proof that he was cheating against him.

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *