Aaron (pronounced Eh-Eh-Rawn) Rodgers has contracted COVID-19. Worse, he lied to the heroic People’s Journalists Of Informing People Truthfully, also known as the People Who Bravely Told The Truth About Jeffrey Epstein Killing Himself When No One Else Would. He sat there, cloaked in his smugness and White Privilege, and claimed that he was “immunized” against COVID-19. Right to the faces of Journalists Who Give All Their Salary To Homeless Crack Babies.

These are the first 5 videos on YouTube. The Pat McAfee one is 8th, despite having 1.3 million views, far more than any of these.

Aaron “Gas the Kikes” Rodgers was even caught appearing on the Pat “kill all niggers” McAfee show and started spreading what the WMD In Iraq TruthTellers have deemed “misinformation.” While no untruthful statements were uncovered, Rodgers was reported to be “smug,” “slippery,” “shameful,” and generally not someone who should be allowed to have a job, as bravely relayed by the WMD Liars.

Here three White Men, I’m sorry white men (fuck your capitalization Whitey whitey), can be seen deliberating on the exact temperature to keep an oven before throwing a 3 month old jew baby inside. AJ “You get strong by eating jew babies” Hawk, another privileged White Male, sorry white male, I keep making that mistake, joins in on the conversation. AJ, the AJ stands for “Adolf enJoyer” BTW, was a former teammate of Rodgers and they go on a three hour tangent into the various ways they would use domestic terrorism on their black teammates Black Teammates.

Rodgers at one point can be seen barely holding his laughter as he recounts how he and the entire offensive line would bring whips to practice, before proceeding with what Black Scholar Tariq Nasheed has now deemed “buck breaking,” a process of ritual humiliation endemic throughout the NFL. The black players Black Players would get whipped for “looking at a White Man white man” according to Aaron Rodgers. Hawk later recounts how they murdered the jew owners hook nosed toddler by tying him to a tonka train that went directly into an easy bake oven.

Later Pat McAfee recounts a “hilarious story” of Peyton Manning, the Colts QB when he was there, pimp slapping the wife of former Colts receiver Marvin Harrison while she was waiting in a bread line trying to feed her family. Manning proceeded to rape Harrison’s wife in front of him while showing off his full chest Swaztika tattoo. Manning allegedly said “and you will never feel the power of the White Man white man,” according to Pat McAfee. Aaron Rodgers and AJ Hawk agreed that Peyton Manning probably went too far, but such things are commonplace in the NFL.

Even Rodgers was a little surprised.

Aaron Rodgers fiance Shailene Woodley was attacked, and clapped back, as shitty people say, at the Epstein Killed Himself Liars. We here at Hypen-Report did investigative journalism into Shailene Woodley. By investigative journalism, we mean that we looked at pictures of her to see what a piece of ass Rodgers pulled for himself.

Verdict: Sit. On. My. Fucking. Face. Mommy.

Verdict: Juicetactular.

Verdict: Fuckworthy Wife Material.

Verdict: Fuck Till She Breaks.

Verdict: Oh my god oh my god oh my god.

Attaboy Aaron, I knew you had it in you. Look at our Chadicus, slamming into this absolute fine piece of ass.

Oh wait, apparently these pictures are about 8 years old. Well it’s not like she can look that much wor-

Verdict: Please do not sit on my face.

Verdict: Drytactular

Verdict: Somewhat cuddleworthy mothering material.

Verdict: Fuck obligatorily and once every 3 days.

Verdict: My cock is limp right now.

I hate doing the bit, because she seems like a wonderful person, but frankly, this girl went from “until my dick fell off,” to “maybe with some Viagra.” She looks like the Schlomo’s in Hollywood sucked the life force out of her. She went from “the girl you risk your marriage for,” to “the girl you feel trapped in a marriage with,” in just 8 years. How does someone go from being that absolutely JUICY to being borderline unfuckable?

Oh right, age. But that’s still not an excuse for Aaron “Getting Less Chad By The Minute” Rodgers here. It’s not like Rodgers was slamming into Ms. Woodley back when she was prime 17 year old jailbait. They only met a couple years ago. No, this is not a celebrity gossip site, but seriously Aaron, WTF? You’re supposed to tolerate a wahmen aging because she’s popped out seven children for you, and her not being super juicetacular doesn’t really matter so much anymore. You’re not supposed to marry them when you’re a 200+ million dollar famous good looking athlete and they’re charging into The Wall like the roided out Basketball-American’s who get paid to tackle you on Sundays. SMH.

It’s this bizarre trend of men who are 10/10’s shacking up with women who USED to be 10/10’s a good 10-15 years ago. Even the Prince of England shacked up with a past her prime Meghan Markle, twice divorced, and probably with a couple of abortions in her past. Like, bud, that wahmen’s a fun weekend, not a wife.

What the above picture should be is Prince Harry getting caught with a sidepiece. Imagine that’s actually his wife? Oh wait, it is! LMAO.

Funny story: I was originally going to do a joke along the lines of “As a true feminist, I strongly believe that even post menopausal women are just as attractive as 17 year old prime jailbait.” It ended up not working out, but I had to somehow get pictures of said jailbait. So I’m sitting there at my computer thinking “am I really going to type ‘jailbait’ into Google?” Well I don’t use Google, only DuckDuckGo, but the point remains. To make a long story short, I did just that.

So I typed in jailbait, and I didn’t even get the benefit of a pic for this story. So now I’ve got that on my search history but unfortunately, I still needed some jailbait pics for the joke, so I started thinking about all these weird proxies and euphemisms I could use like “high school cheerleaders,” so I typed that in. But those girls weren’t smoking hot enough, so first I typed “bitchy high school cheerleaders,” because I thought that might be more explicable in my search history. But that didn’t work so I bit the bullet and went with “hot high school cheerleaders.” I got one candidate pic, but I thought I could do better, so I typed in “hot high school girl,” into DuckDuckGo.

Well I didn’t get the smoking hot jailbait pics that I was looking for (CONTEXT FBI PLEASE!) so instead I went with the pics I got from “hot high school cheerleaders,” which really only has one hot girl in it. Except that I feel just absolutely terrible saying that, because the other two girls look super nice and are definitely bangable. It’s just the girl on the left is absolutely smokin, and I started feeling guilty while staring at the picture because I felt the other two girls judging me for not giving them much attention.

So I started doing this weird thing where I looked at all three of the above girls equally so as to not make anyone feel bad. And then I started imagining myself talking to these girls and introducing myself, and I started feeling guilty because my eyes would snap to the curves of the girl on the left. I mean it’s not the other two girls fault that they’re not quite as hot. So I’m thinking “is this a social situation? Or am I like a teacher or something?” It was a pretty awkward, uncomfortable moment for me. And then I realized it’s just a picture. Weird how you can get carried away like that.

“Why is the FBI at my door?”

Anyway, Rodgers just acted like the black players in the league, and is being held to a higher standard. This is a non-story.

UPDATE: Rodgers apparently went back on the Pat McAfee show, dressed like this.

WTF Aaron? We were all ready to rally behind you when you were going on about Buck Breaking your black teammates. What kind of man would voluntarily wear a Star Wars sweater? And not even one of the original trilogy ones, Rise of Skywalker?

Rise of Skywalker was generally considered to be so unbearably awful that people just outright gave up on Star Wars because of it. But apparently Aaron Rodgers and cuckface on the right are kindred spirits.

I’m starting to think that maybe Aaron Rodgers is just kind of weird.

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