I often peruse the Canadian State Propaganda outlet, the CBC, for some easy content. Today when I went to their home page I was greeted with this.
I was as confused as you are, so I decided to go and take a closer look. I found their trailer on YouTube.
Uh. What. The. Fuck. Am. I. Looking. At?
Well we’re treated to this graphic by Umbrella Entertainment, who are proudly presenting this turd.
To an audience of 716 people, with the comments turned off.
And yet, they have 121k subscribers. I looked them up and they’re a real company, based in Australia. Here’s their website. The very first words out of their mouths about themselves.
Umbrella Entertainment is proud to acknowledge the Traditional Owners of the land on which we live and work. We honour and respect their ongoing cultural and spiritual connection to this country. We pay our respects to Elders of the past, present and emerging.
We tried getting Emma’s opinion, but she was too busy curbstomping some “Unclean-Americans,” as she says, to get back to us. I’m sure we can imagine what she would think of these people.
Random Dipshit: If I were to fall in love with an element, it would have to be carbon.
This trailer starts off with a bang. Or at least a sort of mystifying bafflement inducer that grabs the attention.
Other Random Dipshit: Carbon’s the life of the party.
Neil Degrasse Tyson, the Kim Kardashian of Science!: You’ll know when carbon walks in. *Smugly Laughs.
Normally I’d assume that there’s some sort of context that was missed, but this is the very start of the doc. Nothing has been said yet, except for this. So we just have these dipshits going on about how they’d enjoy having Carbon’s babies, and how Carbon’s a real Chad who really commands the room.
We’re then treated to the obligatory mulatto mystery meat Black Male/White Female couple. This doesn’t really have anything to do with the rest of the documentary, except that it does, what with Privileged Class Propaganda being sort of a package deal.
But we’re then treated to the superimposed personification of carbon itself narrating itself about how awesome it is. And I really don’t know what’s worse, everything about the sentence I just wrote, or the narrator having the most disgustingly moist voice, and obviously speaking about three quarters of a millimetre from the camera. I mean listen to this yourself.
Oh my fucking god. That is so unbearable. Whose idea was this, and how did it make it past editing?
SCENE: Recording Room, Melbourne Australia.
Voice Actress: “So how did I become the most talked about, but least understood element on earth?”
Producer 1: Hey Mrs. Hendrickson that was pretty good, but do you think that you could maybe up your saliva production.
Producer 2: We’d like it if it sounded like you’re literally drooling on the other end.
Producer 1: Yeah and if you could practically eat the microphone while you say your line again, that would be great.
*Moves Closer To Mic and drinks a gallon of warmed up cream.
Mrs Hendrickson: “So how did I become the most talked about, but least –
Producer 1: Mrs. Hendrickson, don’t just stare at it, eat it.
Producer 2: We want it to sound like your mouth is currently located deep inside their ear.
Producer 1: Yes but even more moistness if we could please.
Producer 2: Yeah, more moistness is a must.
Mrs. Hendrickson: “So how did I become –
Producer 2: No, she’s not getting it.
*Producer 1 is visibly frustrated.
Producer 1: We’re trying to make them feel like your lips are wrapped around their ear, and your moist tongue is penetrating deep into their ear canal as you somehow also narrate this.
Producer 2: Mrs. Hendrickson, give us the uncomfortably moist and close experience that we want or we’ll find someone else.
They then cut through some supposedly scary industrial footage that I actually think looks pretty damn cool. There’s this weird narrative playing through this part of the trailer where they insist that it’s not Carbon’s fault. I have no idea why they felt the need to say that a fundamental element could possibly be at fault for global warming. I’m pretty sure that nobody has ever said otherwise.
Waaaooowww. I’m a participant in a great unfolding story in the universe.
Wow Neil, that’s so cool. Tell me more guy who literally has no actual scientific achievements and isn’t really a scientist, but plays one on television.
My generation feel viscerally that their future is at stake.
The above image is what plays when the above narration runs. And BTW, there was a second mulatto couple that I didn’t mention.
We have to learn to get along with carbon. And she’s very happy to get along with us if we treat her right.
So many times when I deal with our (((Democracy Class))) propaganda I find myself a bit too baffled to respond. There is swelling music through this trailer. They’re going on like there is some Herculean battle for the future of Carbon. It’s almost too dumb to explain how dumb it is.
Why are we talking about carbon specifically? What does the element of carbon have to do with global warming? Why do they feel the need to protect carbon from entirely non-existent attacks? Why does that one guy sound like he has some weird science themed roleplay fetish that he pays Tijuanan hookers top dollar to play out?
Builder, or destroyer. Which do you want me to be?
Then it’s back to the personification of the periodic table of elements as we wrap it up.
Look, I wish I had more to say, but I’m still too confused. This must have cost millions to make. I mean these bloviating windbags aren’t cheap, and neither is all the footage they had to get. And all that to produce this nonsense, and get 716 views, despite being promoted by the multibillion dollar state propaganda outlets front page, along with, I’m sure, many other outlets.
It’s things like this that make me cringe when people call these people the “elites.” Elites are actually good at things. These people are just worthless, privileged dipshits parasitizing off of the health of our once glorious civilization.
