E-Financial Careers:

Caroline Ellison, another 28-year-old SBF protégé already appears to be out of a job. Ellison was CEO of Alameda Research, which is being wound down as of this afternoon. Alameda was a crypto market maker with a reputation for aggressive trading strategies. SBF confessed today that these were being funded by money customers had deposited in FTX for their own trading purposes. 

Caroline Ellison? She would never screw –

Oh sorry, nevermind. I didn’t know we were dealing with a Boatsinker parody here. My apologies.

She doesn’t seem to have had a huge amount of experience prior to running a firm with an alleged $10bn of money sloshing around. Before joining Alameda as a trader in March 2018, Ellison spent 19 months as a junior trader at Jane Street after graduating from Stanford University with a bachelor’s degree in mathematics in 2016. In a podcast two years ago, Ellison explained that Jane Street was her first job out of college. A diehard mathematician and Harry Potter fan born of two economists, Ellison she hadn’t wanted to go into trading but “just didn’t really know what to do” with her life. 

You’ve gotta love how this is how the CEO for a deca-billion dollar corporation is described. She’s in her twenties, and she’s a big Harry Potter fan. Does she care about finance? Well no, she doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life, but she very much knows that she likes Harry Potter and managing huge amounts of your money.

She was persuaded to join Alameda by SBF, who also previously worked for Jane Street. When she quit Jane Street, Ellison said she felt bad for staying such a short amount of time. However, this feeling quickly dissipated when she arrived at Alameda and discovered that she had “kind of more trading experience than a lot of Alameda traders,” anyway. 

In light of what has transpired, Ellison’s podcast sounds a lot like a list of reasons why you need some experienced people around to help with decision-making. She says she was “kind of thrown into” making decisions at Alameda and that this was a shock after her 19 months at Jane Street where the decisions she’d made had been “pretty circumscribed.”  By comparison, in a start-up like Alameda, Ellison said she found herself making “a bunch of decisions,” a lot of which were “really uncertain,” and that this was “terrifying.” 

Is she kind of a Jew? Because that seems to be kind of important to this story. I’m just looking around and going “that guy kind of looks, genetically, like he was born in Israel.” Then I look at another guy and say “that guy kind of looks, genetically, like he’s next in line to carry the torch for Jonathan Greenblatt’s ADL.”

“I use very little math.” “Being comfortable with risk is very important.” “Stop losses aren’t necessarily a great risk management tool.”

And that laugh at the end…

It’s hard not to come across as classless when your enemies are straight out of a poorly written 1980’s geek comedy.

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  1. I like how alot of jobs for goyim are like 60k a year (which isn’t shit anymore) for a masters degree in engineering as long as you have 5+ years of experience, internships, ability to do a backflip through 5 flaming hoops, experience training doggos to speak mandarin Chinese ect. Jewish nepotism however can make an ugly tard the CEO of a hedge fund right out of college with almost no experience.

  2. I know blue collar workers who casually invest who are more qualified for running an investment firm than this little yenta. More qualified by every metric except one I guess, that tribal affiliation that is the only qualification that really counts in America.

    1. It’s not even close. Having a basic understanding of investment and not being a meth promoting degenerate puts you miles ahead of Ms. Ellison.

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