Yesterday I received a pleasant little message in the Daily Rake telegram chat. It was from a one-off telegram channel that was created to push the 2023 Telegram Chess Classic. 90|30 time controls, five rounds, one game per week, and me checkmating all of you nubs after try harding by studying opening theory for the first time in my life while pretending like it doesn’t matter to me.

Chess Classic Telegram Channel:

Unrated classical chess tournament taking place throughout April. Free to play* with the following prizes** guaranteed: 1st place: $100, 2nd place: $50, 3rd place: $25, best performance from U1400 account: $25.

Relax, I’m sure you’ll do fine. After all, I’m something of a retard myself. 


I’ve covered chess quite a few times on this site. There was the Hans Niemann suspected cheating scandal, and the World Chess Championship to cover. I doubt that I’ll cover the upcoming championship, because Magnus Carlsen isn’t playing. What I will be covering is the real chess championship of 2023. The one that matters. The one involving me.

Judging by the looks of things I’m the highest rated player to enter thus far, although only by a smidge. There are all kinds of skill levels already registered, from 900s to 2100+. I just signed up so I’m not on this screencapped list. 

UPDATE: I am now on the list. Also, I somehow didn’t notice a FIDE Master, Klamlicisback, with a rating of almost 2300.

In order to sign up, all you need is a telegram account. You should have one of those by now, but you can find telegram on the app store, or download it from their site. I’d recommend doing the latter, but it doesn’t matter much either way. After doing that, head on over to lichess to sign up for your account. Both telegram and lichess are totally free, with no strings attached. And lichess has some really nice puzzle features that are always fun, even if you don’t like competitive play. 

Sign up now, play like a champion, and may the brilliancies be with you.

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  1. Chess hurts my head…. my brain hurts.
    You failed to mention the best chess player ever and rabid anti-nose-ferite to boot.
    Also the man with the highest IQ ever recorded – anti Parasite as well.

  2. I forgot… don’t lose your Horsey-Guy, the horsey-guy is really important… I think…

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