I have never been a big fan of getting books for Christmas or other occasions. I think it’s because I find most fiction incredibly tiresome. I try to read these things, but I just feel like dedicating so many hours of my life to finishing some unsatisfying novel is a waste of my time. And even if I enjoyed it, there are more important things to be doing.

And yet, there was a book waiting for me in Kelowna that I was quite dearly looking forward to reading and reviewing. An adoring fan of mine had decided to send me a free copy of a new Antelope Hill Publishing book. After getting mostly unpacked I went down to my mailbox to check for it. 

This was something like Christmas, but even more exciting since I wasn’t sure if anything was going to be in there. To my great delight, there was. The Canada Post foil might as well have been Christmas wrapping paper, such was my almost childlike anticipation. This was sort of weird, since I knew exactly what I was about to unbox. I guess it’s similar to foreplay. Just because the two of you know where it’s going, doesn’t mean it isn’t exciting taking her clothes off.

I don’t mean to distract, but that’s such an interesting psychological phenomenon, isn’t it? Why is it so enjoyable to know something enjoyable is about to happen? And the same is true in reverse. That’s why it is so unenjoyable when we have to wait for something bad to happen. It’s like that time in sixth grade when I, a child who usually got great grades, had a report card full of teachers lambasting me for being too lazy to do my homework. And then I had to sit at home, waiting for my father to show up. 

This was like that, but in a good way. I enjoyed my stroll back from the mailbox with no small amount of pleasurable anticipation. When I got home, I immediately plunked down in my chair, right in front of my computer, an delicately unwrapped my gift. You’ll have to pardon the poor photography. We can only be talented at so many things. 

I flipped open the very first page, and was treated to this.

You got it. And a new react image, just for you.

As many of you may have figured out, my adoring fan is none other than C.J. Miller himself, the author of this book. I myself am not entirely sure if that’s his real name, and have never met him (I think) but I’ll pretend that we’re old friends because it sounds cooler. If anyone asks, we met at an Ivy League Skull and Bones type secret society hangout. That sounds refined, yet also quasi-fascist, which I like.

A woman who helps my man write Hitler books. You love to see it.

Hell, I’m not even kidding. I’m glad we’re reclaiming this movement from the Manlet Cult, because I’ve got to get me the type of girl who can’t shut the fuck up about the jews for five minutes. That’s prime breeding material right there. 

Pictured: Three solid wife candidates.

Unfortunately I am already encountering irritations with the book. Not the content, just the fact that it’s a paperback. This makes transcribing things from the book quite difficult, since I essentially need to keep the book open with one hand, while typing with the other. I’m trying to get an e-copy, although there is something preciously cozy about an actual physical book. It’s a real shame my new home does not have a fireplace that I can curl up in front of.

As for said content, the introduction, written by CJ Miller, makes clear its own limitations. But there is no better place to start than the text itself.

Hitler’s speeches, especially those that were part of elaborate ceremonies at mass rallies, were visceral aesthetic experiences quite unlike the dry and intellectual experience of reading the same words printed on paper. Even in a crowded beer hall, calculated theatrical flourishes were employed to create a unique atmosphere.

I’m going to re-cover the introduction in the next piece. I simply do not have time tonight to actually give this the depth of coverage that it deserves. What’s more, this is going to be an extremely long series. I anticipate each chapter will get its own article, and I’ll be writing one every other day. So it’s not such a big deal having an extra piece written by me.

For now I’ll simply thank CJ, not just for sending me this review copy, or his kind words about The Daily Rake, but for translating these speeches from the original German, and curating the roughly one thousand speeches Hitler gave throughout his life. Although as someone who doesn’t speak German myself, it’s possible that he’s simply made the entire thing up, and this is all an elaborate prank he’s pulled on all of us. If I read something like –

Hitler: And that’s why it’s really important to go around wearing cat ears and being super gay while voting Republican. Also do video game livestreams, never run for office, and go hunt down your ex-roomate’s cum with a blacklight.

-then I’ll know I’ve been had. I mean I’ve heard that Hitlers 2, 3, and 4 all do the above, but something tells me that Hitler 1 wouldn’t approve.

It feels almost sacrilegious to bring up… those types when talking about Mein Fuhrer, but I’m super tired, it’s almost one in the morning, I’m recouperating from moving in, and I have to end this someway. Get ready for more Hitler content.

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