Remember that fight Sammy Hyde was going to do today? Well it’s over. And our boy got his fist raised.

The actual fight itself was pretty good. Or at least I think it was. It’s really hard to tell with these bootleg cuts, because they have to keep zooming in way too close, or crop the video at some random point. 

From what I could see, Sammy completely controlled the action. He started off the fight taking it to THMPSN, who honestly didn’t know how to box particularly well. The match took on the air of a sparring session, where one guy, Sam, actually knows what he’s doing, and the other THMPSN, really doesn’t.

Candyman landing shots right from the starting bell.

Thmpsn kept throwing wild haymakers with his right hand all fight long. Sam did a nice pullback counter in the first round, before quickly realizing that he could simply shoulder roll away, as Thmpsn was also gassing quickly. The announcers kept badmouthing both fighters, saying that their boxing skills weren’t up to par for influencer boxing. Well, that sounds like the most ridiculous statement ever, even on the face of it, but I was kind of blown away by how bad Thmpsn was. Again, I couldn’t really see the entire fight, but the guy had almost zero boxing skills. Buddy was giving off serious “throw some gloves on a big dude,” vibes. 

NOTE: The below video may be copyright struck by the time you watch it. It seems to be working for some people and not others.

The end of the fight came on a beautiful right straight by Sammy. He had caught Thmpsn earlier in the round, who was given a standing hardcount. Then he caught him again and the ref called it off. After that it was on to his victorious post-fight interview.

Interviewer: Have you got anyone you want to call out in the heavyweight division.

Sam Hyde aka “The Candyman”: Ohhhh you know it’s lad – you know that Hasan Piker, I’M COMING TO KILL YOU. In Las Angeles, at your house.

Interviewer: …or at the ring.

Hyde: No, in real life.

I admit that I lost it at that point.

Hyde: I’m going to stalk him and become obsessed with him. And wear his makeup and his dresses. And use his skin as a coat, like the ancient Irish did. 

Interviewer: Well that’s your winner, Sam Hyde.

*Raucous Applause*

And there you have it. Two men stepped into that ring today, but only one man stepped out. After the fight Sam was seen gnawing on the bones of Thmpsn. Fight organizers tried to stop him, but having seen him literally punch another mans head off he simply growled at them and they scattered. Rumours are that the fight organizers are going to be held legally responsible for this, and Thmpsn’s family has already announced their intention to sue.

Look, Mr. Hyde is a wild card, that’s why idubbz had to leave him off his original boxing promo, despite him obviously being a huge draw. There’s just too much risk of him literally eating his opponent right there in the ring.

It’s definitely not because he’s a little rat who wanted to take down Sam Hyde to prove himself to the (((censors))) at YouTube.

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