I may have to watch the first episode of Amazon’s Wheel of Time butchering like I did for Rangz of the Kangz. I haven’t watched that show myself, but I noted that even the (p)redditors had turned on it due to it’s objectively terrible writing. It appears that Rangz of the Kangz is destined to suffer the same fate. This is most apparent in the pieces written by Forbes’ Chief Cuck on the Scene Erik Kain. We start off with his no-holds-barred tonguing of Bezos’ turd with this August 31st piece.
A shadow has fallen over Middle-earth. A fiery comet burns its way across the sky. Something is making the grass die in a remote village in the south, and turning the cows’ milk black.
An enemy, long forgotten, is stirring.
This is the end of a long slumbering tranquility. For thousands of years, ever since the dark god Morgoth’s servant, Sauron, was defeated and driven from the land, the people of Middle-earth have lived out their days in peace. Men and dwarves have long since consigned the ancient evil to legend. Even the elves have forgotten the danger, lulled into complacency across the long centuries.
Only the fiery elven scion, Galadriel, remains on the hunt, seeking high and low across the land for any sign of Sauron, the memory of her brother’s murder still burning inside her.
Thus we set the stage for The Lord Of The Rings: The Rings Of Power, Amazon’s lavish fantasy epic that recounts the forging of the Rings by Celebrimbor—and the One Ring itself, created to rule them all and in the darkness bind them.
I came to this series a skeptic, but after watching the first two episodes, I walk away a believer. What showrunners Patrick McKay and J.D. Payne have created is something simply staggering in scope and scale, in raw beauty and magnificence. It is nothing short of a masterpiece—and a welcome return to Tolkien’s legenderium.
You hear that you KKK Enjoying Bigots? This is a masterpiece. It’s stunning in scope and scale. And it isn’t even pushing any politics anyway, unlike what the little dicked HuWhyte Supreemacists would have you believe.
One of the more tiresome complaints I’ve heard online about Amazon’s Lord Of The Rings: The Rings Of Power show is that it’s pushing a woke agenda—cramming said agenda down our collective throats in an attempt to push some leftist identity politics on the masses.
This is a silly critique for the most part, driven by idle speculation and a fandom that has been utterly overwhelmed by culture wars and endless politics. There used to be a time, not so long ago, when we could enjoy movies and TV shows and video games without a constant barrage of politically charged opinions, angry click-hungry YouTube videos and massive, charged debates on social media and forums.
I understand that Tolkien purists may find this a bit jarring. I don’t believe you’re de facto racist for wanting a story set in a fictional Europe to have a more European hue to it, but bigotry can take subtle shapes that people aren’t even aware of, and I think this is one such instance.
Now get a load of (((Neil Gaiman))) dunking on this stupid goy Elon Musk for using his goy-mouth to whine about the show being too misandrist.
Yesterday, Tesla CEO Elon Musk tweeted that Tolkien must be ‘turning in his grave’ over the Amazon Lord Of The Rings adaptation The Rings Of Power.
Musk also claimed that the male characters in the show were mostly cowards, jerks or both, while Galadriel was the only character who was brave, smart and nice. As I noted earlier, this is objectively false.
Musk’s tweets seem to be geared toward his fan-base, many of whom apparently subscribe to the notion that Rings Of Power is overly-woke, and is likely a pot-shot aimed at rival CEO Jeff Bezos.
When asked what he thought of Musk’s comments and The Rings Of Power on Twitter, fantasy author Neil Gaiman did not hold back:
“Elon Musk doesn’t come to me for advice on how to fail to buy Twitter,” the author wise-cracked, “and I don’t go to him for film, TV or literature criticism.”
Shots fired and shots landed. That’ll show the guy who has a whole bunch of retarded schemes which he inexplicably never gets called out for who’s boss. And lest you think Kain is just dispassionately relaying to you the news, think again. Deboonking the claim that Rangz of the Kangz Y’All is a “woke show,” was so important to him that he felt the need to make a YouTube video on his own channel saying exactly that.
The fans appear to be… not so enthusiastic.
Who is Erik Kain? Well he’s an annoying little soyboy, who apparently was on the Soy-Feminist side of Gamergate way back in the day.
I’d never heard of him before, but nerds in the know certainly have, and he did not have a good reputation in our circles since long before the Rangz of the Kangz. However, after just a brief bit of looking I found him whining about a twitter thread created by one “Crypto Dizzle,” where he trashes Kain specifically. It’s worth checking out, although you never know when an account like that is getting oven’d, but he takes us through the three stages of Kain’s writing as it pertains to Rangz of the Kangz. First, we have the “Create Hype,” stage. Second, we have the “Attack Fans,” stage. Third, we have the “Try to reclaim credibility,” stage.
You may be wondering what Crypto Dizzle is going on about with that last part. After all Kain literally called the show a “masterpiece.” He didn’t say “it was bretty ‘gud,” or “watchable,” he said it was a ****ing “masterpiece.” That’s pretty high praise, and I’m sure that Kain is going to continue –
Unfortunately, The Rings Of Power is written so poorly it defies even my worst fears.
Jaime tells me that this is indeed the same cucklet who said the show was a masterpiece after the first episode, and gave the second episode a glowing review as well. But then on September 18th, after just the third episode, he tells us that the writing is terrible. This isn’t some throwaway comment. He really feels the need to inform you that everything is stupid and makes no sense.
I’ve come to a sad realization: The creators of Amazon’s The Lord Of The Rings: The Rings Of Power know how to create spectacle, but they don’t know how to tell a good story.
But The Rings Of Power knows only how to glitter, and it’s certainly not gold. It knows how to shoot pretty slow-motion shots of elves on horses or orcs leaping through the trees. It gets the giant statues of ancient elven kings and shining cities just right. It has a sweeping score that’s lovely to listen to—but is, like the show’s melodrama, perhaps a little too incessant. This is a show of spectacle and it gets the spectacle mostly right.
Galadriel’s adventure in Númenor is honestly just embarrassing. She arrived there—after being rescued—and effectively just bullied everyone in her path like the elven version of a steamroller. The queen regent has her hands full from the moment Galadriel barges through the door, and soon she’s demanding to see the king, then asking for an army.
Miriel has to lock her up and then pack her off back to the elves just to get her to stop. Then—thanks to petals falling from a tree*—she decides to take her back and commit her people—who moments earlier were all but chanting “death to the elves!”—to a war in a strange land? Everything taking place in Númenor is just a shortcut for the plot. Move the plot forward at all costs no matter how many characters are butchered in the process. (I wrote about the hilariously bad Black Speech spy note recently which is another great example of the shoddy writing in this show)
Just because the writers couldn’t be bothered to come up with a more clever way to get Arondir out of there, I guess? Way to undermine the very tension you were hoping to create.
Nothing is earned in The Rings Of Power. Neither the emotional nor the epic. Things just happen because the writers want those things to happen. Something happens and then something else happens. There are no real consequences, no real hard spots to get out of, just a string of events unfolding, frictionless and boring.
This is bad writing, pure and simple. Bad characterization. Choppy dialogue. Characters who don’t make sense and clearly dislike one another as much as we dislike them. Everything feels forced and contrived, especially in the Galadriel storyline.
All the money in the world can’t save bad writing. No amount of spectacle will ever be able to paper over a lousy script.
I don’t get it. I really don’t. I really wanted to like this show and was completely willing to suspend my disbelief and treat it like expensive fan-fiction. But this feels cheap.
This was a show I was eagerly looking forward to watching with my kids. Now, I doubt I’ll bother. That’s about as damning a verdict as I can muster.
B-but, you literally said that this was a masterpiece…
Forbes assigned Erik Kain to this show, and he’s continued to take a dump on it every chance he gets. Take his recent review of the sixth episode.
Battles, cavalry charges, erupting volcanoes. The latest episode of The Rings Of Power is the most action-packed yet, but even “epic” action cannot save this show from itself. Despite the flashy fights and explosions, the writing remains some of the worst I’ve seen in big-budget television. It’s actually worse than I ever thought possible.
In fairness to Erik Kain, everything he said in the last two pieces is true. The writing is so bad that it’s actually baffling. The apolitical mistakes made in terms of writing are so obvious that it’s just downright bizarre. It’s a stunningly awful show.
But people who read my review of this clown fiesta may have noticed that I made these critiques about the writing right from the first episode, since it’s the only one that I watched. Let me go and find a transcript of the conversation between Galadriel and her brother that happens in the first five minutes of the first episode.
LARP guy: It was a good ship, sister.
Galadriel: I made it just as you taught me.
LARP guy: Do you know why a ship floats, while a stone does not? Because a stone sees only downward. The darkness of the water is vast, irresistible. The ship feels the darkness as well, striving moment by moment to master her, and pull her under.
But the ship has a secret. For unlike the stone her gaze is not downward but up, fixed upon the light that guides her, whispering of grander things than darkness and the new.
And if I could quote from myself.
The writing only gets slightly less stupid from here and I sort of feel like someone needs to record just how idiotic the whole thing is.
That’s the first five minutes of the first episode of Lord Dem Rangz, an Amazon Studios billion dollar project. I’ll try to watch the rest of the episode at some point. For now let me just say that this is truly the worst writing I have ever seen in such a big budget production, but the cinematography is fairly decent. And honestly it’s legitimately so bad that it’s good, especially if you hate the people who made this and enjoy laughing at their failure.
The only way someone could have legitimately liked the first episode of the Rangz of the Kangz is if they had brain damage. Maybe, just maybe, being a really big Globo Homo Enjoyer could get you to lie to yourself and pretend that this is good, or at least passable. I’m trying to give these people the benefit of the doubt, but I’m still mystified as to how anyone could call this outrageous turd a “masterpiece,” and I’m referring only to the first episode.
Let’s say, theoretically, that one of our goys made some film that clearly had our politics, but was written terribly. Is it possible that I would lie to myself and tell myself that it was really good, only to have reality eventually set in after the novelty had worn off? I guess so, but I think that there’s something uniquely consooooomerist about these soyboys where they get really excited for New Product in a way that we don’t. Like, there is some fundamentally different human behaviour going on.
Even assuming that Kain’s reaction is genuine the sudden jolt from hyping the show to telling the truth about how awful it is gives me a sort of tonal whiplash. I made a little collage to visually show just how jarring this is. Keep in mind, these are all his articles.
And he’s still savaging the show today.
“I wisely started with a map, and made the story fit (generally with meticulous care for distances). The other way about lands one in confusions and impossibilities, and in any case it is weary work to compose a map from a story.” ~ J.R.R. Tolkien
In Episode 6 of The Rings Of Power, Galadriel casts a magic spell: Teleportation.
She transports the Númenorean army around 2,000 miles in a day or two. Either that, or everything in these timelines is occurring at wildly different speeds. Either way, it’s confusing and makes The Rings Of Power feel cheap, rushed and all over the map—literally.
If you’re wondering who these goofballs are, those are the Numenorians. No, not the ones Tolkein wrote, these are the Brown Numenorians that Amazon created. They’re also all MAGAtards for no reason, and no, it doesn’t make sense. I didn’t get into that in my review since that starts in episode three, but they butchered Numenor as hard as they butchered everything else. The grandest civilization in all of men’s history, and they’re a bunch of retarded mystery meats who need to get taught sword fighting by some elf biatch, because apparently they never learned.
No really, they don’t know how to swordfight. Like, no one in Numenor knows how to use a sword except Galadriel, this annoying blonde womxyn who decides to teach them all how to swordfight by training with real swords. I don’t even have anything to add, I’m literally just describing what happens and it’s so stupid that if I wrote that it would be instantly taken as satire, and not particularly clever satire at that.
I warn you, the cringe is so powerful I needed to watch at double speed to make it all the way through.
We’ve reached the point of Story Collapse for lots of the shitty reddit types who didn’t check out at Black Dwarves. At this point the writing is so illogical and stupid that it simply cannot be denied, and even the soyest of soyboys has realized that anything that seems illogical or confusing is not a clever red herring, they’re just watching a dumb show.
But it’s one thing to be an amateur, and another to be a professional critique with a reputation to uphold. At this point the rats are leaving the sinking ship, and anyone who wants to be taken even slightly seriously, like Erik Kain, needs to throw this turd of a show under the bus. But again, I remind you, the writing was always beyond terrible, right from the very start. And frankly the production values weren’t exactly top notch either.
It’s bizarre and otherwordly this make belief where the show was “a masterpiece,” but now, all of a sudden, it’s embarrassingly bad. This is not a Game of Thrones situation, where there is a decent quality of writing for the first few seasons, before running off a cliff at the end. This was laughable garbage right from the very start. So were these reviewers paid off to generate hype, or were they legitimately really excited for this garbage?
All of which reminds me, I need to get my video review of this show out, and I need to get it out fast.