The Cut:

Since roughly 2016, millions of people have gone to dermatologists to put things in their faces with one particular goal: to look like sexy babies. The way they achieved this was with filler — generally acid and fat injections. This era of filler created a specific aesthetic marked by heart-shaped faces, teeny-tiny noses, and full, puffy lips and cheeks.

The article they link to is from 2008, but this is Gossip Goy, so whatever. I don’t know what’s worse, that they want to look like “sexy babies,” or that they failed so hard.

“I can’t remember the last time somebody asked me for big, juicy, plump lips,” says Dhaval Bhanusali, the doctor behind Martha Stewart’s ageless skin.

If you know famous faces, the transition can be defined as this: “Everyone wanted to look like Kylie Jenner. Now they want to look like Bella Hadid,” says Matthew James, a British makeup artist and beauty influencer who used fillers for ten years to look “a bit pillowy.”

Honestly, what kind of man hasn’t used the occasional lip filler to get that hawt pillowy look? We’ve all done it. Don’t lie to me, and pretend that you’re such a Chad that you never booked an appointment with your plastic surgeon just after Dr. Goldstein gave you a snazzy new anus.


By the way, I don’t know who Bella Hadid is, nor do I care to learn. Matthew James is the above creature. This TikTok of his is from two days ago. Really happy that he decided to go all natural.

One reason for the shift? It turns out fillers weren’t the elixir of youth people wanted them to be. Over time, many a filler enthusiast found the substance was actually migrating around the face.

You’re shittin’ me. I could have sworn I was looking at an infant with the above picture.


Can we check the birthdate on this girl, because she looks underage to me. Anyone who says she looks like an older women with monstrosities hanging off the front of her face is simply lying to you.

I even found this graphic online of someone making fun of Sophie Monk. They’re claiming that she’s not aging naturally. One the left they have her a decade ago, and on the right they clearly got some elementary school picture of hers where she’s six or seven years old. I’m really not sure what point they were trying to make, but this is just a typical cope by uggos who don’t spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on their faces. 

“It was marketed as this riskless thing,” says Carly Raye, a Toronto-based content creator who got lip fillers at 20. She had a common experience: Her filler traveled, creating a ring of puffiness around her lips that various surgeons have described as the “Juvéderm mustache,” “duck lips,” or “Homer Simpson face.”

Homer Simpson face? Duck Lips? Nonsense. You look cute girrrl. Keep inflating those lips for daddy. This is what men want.

I’m told this is a man. I’m just surprised it’s human.

It’s an even better look on guys.

Why all this new information about fillers now? It seems that everyone — from providers to patients — simply didn’t know that much about the stuff to begin with. And maybe they still don’t. Hannah, a grad student in New York, described her first several months with fillers in 2021 as wonderful. “I looked more beautiful than ever,” she wrote over email, “and then, at month five, my whole face swelled up and did not go down.”

She says she received “profoundly contradictory” explanations from the 20 doctors she saw in the following months. “The physician who did my fillers, upon seeing my face, informed me that such a reaction was ‘impossible’ and that she ‘had never seen anything like this before.’”

Hannah was prescribed dozens of medications to get rid of the swelling. When none of them worked, she — like Genute and Raye, with their migrated filler — decided to dissolve.

But dissolving filler, like filling in the first place, isn’t a silver bullet. It’s done by injecting hyaluronidase, an enzyme. Several doctors say that, while it’s medically safe, they avoid using it outside emergencies or — as Simon Ourian, surgeon to Kim Kardashian, Megan Fox, and various Victoria’s Secret Angels, puts it — when “things are really grotesque.”

Grotesque inflated duck lips? I don’t think that’s ever happened. I see only a sexy toddler. 

It’s a good thing that it’s not, because those natural breasts and nail extensions were giving me a hardon, and I didn’t want to feel like a pedophile. I was surprised at first to not see her surrounded by other children on the local playground, and concerned that a toddler was drinking wine.

Ourian and several other providers say this is because hyaluronidase can also dissolve some of your natural tissues, not just your fillers. What’s more, many patients describe dissolving as an uncomfortable — and in some cases extremely painful — process. “Imagine snake venom or pure acid,” says one patient.

But pain may be a best-case scenario, judging from the many internet support groups devoted to hyaluronidase complications. I spoke to a dozen dissolvers. All describe their post-hyaluronidase skin in disturbing terms: “spongy,” “melted,” “like jelly.” “It feels like the skin isn’t attached to my face,” says a woman in her 20s. Another shared a photo of herself tugging handfuls of loose cheek skin to either side of her face.

“Pain may be a best case scenario.” Not exactly how you sell a procedure.

Can we stop it with the whining already? These women look youthful and beautiful. Having your skin no longer attached to your body is a small price to pay for that. No pain, no gain.

Now if only they can steal some dance moves from Madonna, then they’ll truly be sexy babies. Give me a seventy year old with lips the size of schoolbuses grinding her ass into my face, and you’ll have to send me to the hospital because my erection will last longer than four hours, guaranteed.

Many patients reported being pressured, dismissed, and gaslit by providers. I spoke to a retired utilities serviceman in his 60s who went to a med spa for a consultation about his acne scars, “but they kind of oversold me and started putting fillers everywhere,” he says. His skin swelled and broke open. It got worse: “The dissolver spread down my cheek and became white and discolored. The skin has slowly started to come off, and I couldn’t really see through the eye.”

“It’s basically ruined my life,” he says.

Can we take a timeout with the whining already? Your skin is falling off you face. Get over it. The world does not revolve around you. 

I really hate negative people like this, which is why I got rid of all of the ones like that in my life. They were all like “we don’t wanna be tied up, please, we want to go home. We won’t tell anyone what you did we promise.” Next thing you know they’re all whining about being shot.

Who needs those kinds of Negative Nancies around you?

Don’t think of it as skin falling off your face. Think of it as your inner beauty shining through. Or perhaps a free Halloween costume.

“Filler is easy to overdo once you get started. You suddenly look flawless,” echoes Hannah, the grad student. “Then it looks like it’s gone after a few months. And you get sad. So you get more.” Though she’s spent upwards of $20,000 undoing the damage caused by her filler, she says that even if she’d known about the risks from the get-go, she’s not sure she would have been swayed.

What is with all these people mangling their faces? Remember Selena Gomez? Remember how adorable she used to be? Well now her face comes with a warranty. 

She’s so expressionless that she’s become one of my go to react images. Ironically this was from her “campaign for real beauty,” that I made fun of about a year ago.

All of these starlets do this and it’s ridiculous. These aren’t trashy pornstars, this is some top shelf gash ruining itself with a knife.

Take Mia Kunis for example. Arguably the hottest Jew girl ever. Frankly, there wasn’t much competition, but the girl was undeniably a stunner even when compared to real humans. So of course she holocausted her face before she turned thirty. 

The above one isn’t so bad, but the one below… 

Mia, for Yahweh’s sake, you’re like one of seven Jew girls ever to be born without a beak that requires plastic surgery to fix. You were the chosen Heeb. You were like Abby Shapiro for real, and you blew it. 

I guess we’ll always have jailbait Sarah Michelle Gellar. They can’t take that from us. 

This reminds me of my favourite article that I ever wrote. I’m not saying the best, I’m saying my favourite. I started writing about that TYT girl, Ana Kasparian, and how she utterly holocausted her face with plastic surgery.

Going from a cute college chick to whatever this is.

It ended up with me rambling about which Jew girl was the hottest. There was a surprising amount of competition. 

Anyway, back to Hollywood and the face manglers. In my piece on Denise Richard’s mother-daughter OnlyFans I realized that she has never been pictured with the same face twice. It’s like she went into the doctor’s office weekly and kept asking for more. 

Seriously, above is her at age 18. Below is age 26. 

Although even I admitted that maybe the surgeon did a nice job because Starship Troopers Denise Richards is one of the hottest versions. 

I don’t even remember what model numbers these are, but even the less mangled one on the left is noticeably different from Starship Troopers Denise Richards. 

I’m skipping over half of the pictures, just go read the article. And no, this is not her final form. The mangling will continue until the aging improves. 

Case in point, she was already mangled on the left. They are literally doing before/after pictures of her to prove that she had EVEN MOAR plastic surgery well after he face had been ruined.

Lindsay Lohan is supposedly the poster girl for this, but she’s not even that bad compared to the rest of these Hollywood Monstrosities. 

I’m sure that plastic surgery is so ubiquitous in those circles is because, if done in moderation, the results can be positive. But it’s so unnatural, weird, and sad, that sometimes I feel bad about making fun of these people. Don’t get fillers, and don’t let them touch your face in any other way. There is something valuable about the face that your mother gave you.

You may also like

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *