MIAMI BEACH, Fla. (WPLG) – A 27-year-old man who identified himself as a homeless model is facing criminal charges for masturbating in public view at a Starbucks, police said.
Boy, that was a short article. Any accompanying images?
I’m sorry, that might be the greatest face I have ever seen. Shame it’s low resolution or it would become a staple of the site.
Luckily Blake Rein, the homeless man in the video, sat down with the Daily Rake and told his side of the story.
Dr. Shekelstein: Blake, so nice of you to join us here at the Rake Report.
Blake Rein: Thanks for having me Mr. Shekelstein.
*Shekelstein becomes visibly annoyed at the lack of his title. He didn’t get his PhD in African Studies for nothing.
Dr. Shekelstein: Blake you were caught masturbating in a Starbucks, is there some context that was left out of this story.
Blake Rein: Well you know how the jew media operates.
Shekelstein: Please Mr. Rein, we call them globalists here.
*Tasteful audience laughter.
Rein: I was very angry with Starbucks back in 2017 when they promised to hire 10,000 refugees over White Americans.
Dr. Shekelstein: Hardworking Americans.
*Tittering from high class crowd.
Rein: Right, and they were doing some other kike shit you know all the time.
Shekelstein: Perhaps the appropriate term would be jew supremacist activism, but there’s no doubt with Howard Schultz. After all, he has described himself as a “Liberal Hawk.” Meaning that he’s incredibly anti-White and pro-Pervert, but he also really loves wars for the geopolitical interests of Yidsrael.
Rein: Yeah, kike shit.
*Audience laughs, Dr. Shekelstein hides a momentary flash of jealousy as this rough and tumble working class man temporarily steals the adoration of the crowd.
Dr. Shekelstein: Indeed. So what does this have to do with your masturbation session.
Blake Rein: Well I thought, Starbucks makes shitty coffee, but they’re popular amongst shitty people as some sort of fake high status treat.
Dr. Shekelstein: I think I’m starting to see where this is going.
Blake Rein: Right, so I thought, maybe if I masturbate here it’ll be thought of as a place where homeless people masturbate, instead of a place where uptalking faggots hang out.
Dr. Shekelstein: Absolutely brilliant.
*Shekelstein puts his hands together to clap and the audience joins him just a split second later. This lasts only a few seconds.
Dr. Shekelstein: Now Mr. Rein the goyim are quite generous. I understand you’ve been having some trouble with your living arrangements. If there’s –
Blake Rein: Oh I’m not homeless.
Shekelstein: I beg your pardon?
Rein: I just wanted to pretend to be as dirty as possible to play the role.
Shekelstein: So you have some sort of job.
Rein: I should hope so, I’ve been putting my PhD in astrophysics to good use with NASA these past five years.
*Shekelstein puts his hands together even more vigorously this time.
Shekelstein: Ladies and gentleman a true genius walks among us.
*Audience applause is strong, but is cut short with a slight raise of Shekelstein’s hand.
Shekelstein: So I have to ask, how is it at NASA?
Rein: Honestly it’s disappointing.
Shekelstein: I’m sorry to hear that. What’s the problem?
Rein: Honestly, there are just a lot of faggots over here that I have to see everyday at work.
Shekelstein: How unfortunate, any plan to get rid of them?
Rein: Well you know I was thinking.
Shekelstein: Uh huh.
Rein: That maybe I could dress up like a homeless man and masturbate in the corner.
Shekelstein: I’m sorry I’m not sure I see what the purpose of that would be.
Rein: Well you see I want the general public to stop associating NASA with the moon landing and –
Shekelstein: Start associating NASA with homeless dudes masturbating in the corner.
Rein: Correctomondo.
Shekelstein: Ladies and gentlemen Mr. Rein is –
Rein: *Dr.
Shekelstein: I’m sorry.
Rein: Come on Shekelstein, I didn’t get that PhD for nothing.
*Rein winks at Shekelstein. For a moment the man is stunned, but within a fraction of a second he composes himself, and gives just the slightest Masculine Nod of Approval to Dr. Rein.
Shekelstein: Put your hands together for Dr. Rein, the man who is destroying Globo Homo one public masturbation session at a time.
*Audience gives standing ovation to Dr. Rein, penis still firmly ensonced in his pants. He and Shekelstein give each other a brief, but warm handshake as Shekelstein waves to the crowd. Finally, Dr. Rein exits stage.
Shekelstein: And that’s all for tonights show. Next time we talk with a pedophile who works in orphanges for homeless jew children.
It’s a bold strategy. Let’s see how it plays out for him.
