In our last piece on Sammy Hyde we left off with Sam going through his “Idubbz gaslighting document,” and explaining all the “enhancements,” he was going to do for idubbbz. You know, just to help him make the best documentary he could make.
Well idubbbz never released his footage, which forced Sammy to release what he had. First I’d like to congratulate Mr. Hyde for crossing the 1 million mark.
And today we’ll be blitzing through the rest of his documentary.
Day 1 starts off with idubbbz being introduced to their office. Hyde offers him some “jaw muscle exercise,” gum and idubbbz gets introduced to the rest of the team.
They force idubbbz to watch the trailer for a new war movie they made, along with Sammy’s Greatest Hits.
I gotta be honest, I like Hyde, but he doesn’t exactly have the Midas Touch, which actually makes this funnier. Hyde does this thing where he forces idubbbz to plaster a smile on his face as he pretends to enjoy the honestly not very funny comedy routine Sammy is presenting.
He does a similar thing with their “prep talk chant,” where he makes it weird for idubbbz to not be joining in.
There’s some banter about hot girls playing with legos, and then it’s off to the streets for some sparring.
Yes, you read that correctly. On day 1 they brought idubbbz into the office, forced him to pretend to enjoy some Sammy comedy, and then immediately took him out to do boxing.
It also pretty much immediately exposes idubbbz as being the awkward nerd that he is. Look, nothing wrong with it, but I’m pretty amazed at how uncoordinated idubbbz was, and he even starts whining when Sam starts kicking his leg.
He’s holding a pad FFS. Look, I know that big guys can kick like trucks. Yes, you can feel it through the pads there, but come on idubbbz.
They start doing some “boxing drills,” where Sammy is holding the pads. Then they start chanting “Think it Dream it Do it,” and looking at idubbbz. This is one of the most underrated bullying tactics. Idubbbz is forced to once again plaster a fake smile on his face and pretend to be having fun, or else be rude.
And that brings us to the end of day 1. Yes, you read that correctly. After idubbbz came out, they forced him to watch some old Hyde comedy sketches, took him boxing, and forced him to recite their stupid chant.
Day 2 starts off with them killing time before idubbbz finally shows up. When he does they give him a “pastiche,” of what everyone is working on. One of them is this obese White man who is starting his rap career. His first song has some arabian chant on in the background while he raps.
Transcript:
Messy,
When I pop ’em like Pepsi
When I kick ’em like gently,
All the girls they message me
I couldn’t play it again because, while I get what they were going for, the cringe factor was just too high. I know that’s what they were going for, but let me just say that they nailed it. He kept going on about instagram and other things like that.
Anyway, one of them is working on some sick beats, Sam’s drug user girlfriend come in, and they’re all drinking beer. JetNeptune starts talking about crypto, and they all chime in with some horrible advice.
“Take profits is for real for retards.” – Sam Hyde.
They then start explaining Pokemon as if it’s a new thing, as they said they would in the idubbz gaslighting doc.
And some other random stuff.
They chill outside for a bit while JetNeptune explains how they’re trying to start a memorial for the bum that used to hang out with them. He got hit by a bus, but was a super chill guy.
And with that it’s on to interviews.
Sadly, because idubbbz is a coward who never released his documentary, none of this footage was released. It’s at this point that we need to pick up the pace on this documentary, because we still have four more days to go, and idubbbz being a little bitch meant that a lot of it wasn’t filmed. So a lot of the rest is just them chilling and trying to have fun while idubbbz sulks like a child.
Day 3 comes with Hyde taking on his Father Figure role with idubbbz as he teaches him how to drive standard. But before that we see the return of a familiar face.
Nick Rochefort takes idubbbz cameraman out for a spin, and then Sam Hyde takes idubbbz out for a spin, and he doesn’t appear to be enjoying it too much.
“I’ll do it one day, I’ll fight any dog.” – Sam Hyde
At this point we switch it up, and Hyde teaches idubbbz how to drive stick. After idubbz stalls it out, the advice he gives is impeccable.
Alright idubbbz you’re not thinking Ferrari here, you gotta think Ferrari. Alright so clutch in, hit that go button. And now you gotta let us slowly lurch forwards here. Badda bing, and we’re off.
Yeah, hit these potholes hard.
After idubbz drives down about 100 feet of dirt alley, Sam decides it’s a great idea for him to take it on the road. After all, he didn’t (quite) stall it out switching to second, which means he’s ready. Idubbbz immediately stalls the car out as he tries to turn onto the road. Sam’s advice is once again impeccable.
Idubbz: Oh shit. Yeah that. Uh why is that happening?
Hyde: Cause you’re not thinking Ferrari. You’re thinking Lamborghini.
Idubbz: I ‘m thinking like…
Hyde: You’re thinking Lamborghini bro. This ain’t no Lamborghini. Sicilian trash.
Idubbz: Uh I’m taking my foot off the clutch too early which is what’s happening?
Hyde: Uh listen, I don’t know how these things work, specifically. I just know it’s the vibe.
Perhaps Sam’s a genius, because idubbbz manages to pull the car out just fine. Then again, maybe not, as we can clearly see the terror present on idubbbz face as he drives on the pavement street.
In the next few seconds idubbbz tries to shift from first and gets stuck in neutral. If you’ve never driven stick and wondered what happened, he didn’t push the clutch all the way down, which is why you can hear the high pitched biting of the gears as he tries to force the gear in. That’s a very common mistake made by people who are driving with a Lamborghini vibe instead of a Ferrari one.
I was planning on doing this all in one shot, but I think I’ll make a full transcript of the interview, which makes it worthy of its own post. We’ll cover that next.
[…] the last episode we left off after Sammy had assumed the Father Figure Role in idubbbz’ life, teaching him how […]