Cocaine Bear Shows that Hollywood is just kind of Done Trying

Early this morning I saw that “Cocaine Bear” was trending on twatter. I didn’t bother screencapping it at the time, and Kanye West going Full Deathcon Six Gorillion on Alex Jones’ show so I was distracted, but it’s worth taking a look at, since the trailer dropped today.

Apparently it’s a horror movie with some comedy. Or at least they try for some comedy. Unless bad CGI is the joke I’m not getting it, although just after typing that I did see some mildly funny bits. I also saw this.

The impetus for the entire movie was a meme that went around a half decade ago about a true story where a bear overdosed on cocaine after eating an illegal stash.

This was mildly funny at the time, but since the people in Hollywood are all cocaine addicted dipshits they thought this was a fantastic idea not for a five second long gag, but for an entire feature length film.

Ray Liotta agreed, and signed up. Considering his untimely death during his sleep at the age of 67, this is his final role.

It’s hard to see who he plays. Some kind of drug dealer or something. 

“Oh jeez, did I forget to turn off the oven.”

Also, this isn’t really germane to the story, but holy shit did he ever butcher his face down at the local plastic surgeons office. The man looks like he’s wearing a Ray Liotta mask for Halloween and it’s causing him some extreme pain. 

Anyway the audience memes were funnier than the actual movie trailer. 

I’m not saying that they were great, but they did make me chuckle.

Actually I thought this one was hilarious for a reason I couldn’t quite finger.

David Kittredge below sums up the kosher take on the general incompetence of Hollywood. He pretty much misses the mark, since Disney just lost $150+ million on their AIDS-teen romance movie Strange Worlds, nor does he point out Netflix’s butchering of The Witcher, among other things. Even still, there’s so much incompetence and mismanagement in the industry that he’s still functionally correct.

But if you’re interested, Cocaine Bear is coming this February to a theater near you. Typically things that are so bad they’re good are actually just bad, but who knows, maybe it’ll be different this time.