It’s pretty amazing how utterly devoid of action Jake Paul fights are. Below is the “highlights,” from a six round fight that had precisely one actual highlight.

In fact, I didn’t even include the video. It’s too boring, and we want high quality content here at Hyphen-Report. Six full three minute rounds with maybe 5 punches actually landed per side is not it. So just watch the last 3 seconds of the fight instead.

For those of you who, like me, had only the vaguest sense of who Jake Paul is, he’s a complete turd who got famous on YouTube. Or maybe he actually got famous on Vine back when that was a thing. There’s also something about a Disney show he did. It’s really not that important.

What’s important is that he and his brother Logan are some of the absolute worst things to ever come out of the internet. I tried watching some of their stuff and found it to be… offputting to say the least. I mean secondhand embarrassment at these clowns. I’d spare you them, but you need to see what I’m talking about.

I actually am not entirely sure what you’ll see if you click on this video, because I made it only 30 seconds in, then skipped around a bit. Trust me, the only thing that can make this watchable is understanding what cunts these two are, so you get a perverse thrill at them embarrassing themselves. It didn’t do the trick for me, but I have a very sensitive cringe receptor.

While Jake Paul does not appear to have any athletic pedigree of any kind, and minimal boxing skills, his older brother Logal Paul is a different story. Logan apparently was a distinguished high school wrestler, football linebacker, and has displayed actual talent at boxing. While he lost the fight below for points subtracted, I can assure you I’ve seen far spazzier amateur sparring sessions pretty much every day I ever went to the gym.

But maybe I spoke too soon. Logan Paul had a “fight” with Floyd Mayweather. Here is the “fight,” in its entirety.

From the YouTube comments.

“If I saw this fight in my backyard, I’d go back inside.” “Mayweather wasn’t even sweating when he sat down before round 8. That’s how you know this thing was rigged.” “More hugging than a family reunion at Christmas day. Lol”

I think it’s amazing how 45 year old Floyd Mayweather fought a YouTuber and this is the first I’m hearing of it. Then again, this was a horribly boring fight between Mayweather covering up and getting clinched by Logan Paul, before getting in basically a single good shot each round, thus easily winning the fight on points.

Look I don’t really have anywhere I’m going with this. It’s news. I gotta print it. It’s a degenerate wasteland out there. People do freakshow fights for money. Usually they’re incredibly boring.

Usually, but not always.

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