You may remember the “Ghost of Kiev,” propaganda hoax that I debunked days ago.

It was a story so ludicrous that I felt the need to create my own satire, the Shadow of Kiev real life true event habbening. Remember, it’s not about whether something happened, or even could have happened, it’s about whether the goyim believing it serves the interests of Schlomo and the Rabbis of Zion.

Well apparently I spoke too soon, because the Ghost of Kiev is back with another UttEr HuMILiaTIoN oF RuSSiA, this time in the form of a poetry reading. Specifically, “Dear Putin, if I was your father…”

Dear President Vladimir Putin, I am not your father, but I could be.

If you let me.

You would have room to grow.

So that one day, a message of love and togetherness you could bestow.

I would have taught you that every little rock and bug on this planet has a soul that is eternal, and needs to be cherished.

Not a target for artillery bombardmented.

Tears of joy stream down my face as I sit there in a certain kind of orgasmic stupor as these beautiful words of love and kindness wash over me. Truly bugs should not be considered targets for artillery bombardmented.

Vladimir, not my name of choice.

I would have named you strong, wise, valiant.

So that my son could speak with a good voice.

Lucas Putin, of the highest pedigree.

The whole human race, would have to agree.

Or maybe Mason Putin.

Mason would study medicine for a year at University, before realizing it’s too hard. Then go on a surfing trip to find himself.

Or maybe Scott Putin. Scott would wear dirty old courdoroys with stains everywhere, but he wouldn’t care. He would smell like French cigarettes and the world. And drive an ancient Volvo that barely starts. Tell you stories until 5 AM. And together you could watch the sun come up over *some hill* in Rome. Kicking back bottles of cheap wine, laughing.

Scott Putin only needs a Eukele and a passport to be at peace with the universe, not tanks and bombs.

Scott Putin sounds like a total Chad. Well maybe not that. Scott’s more like a drifter with delusions of grandeur, but still, the point remains. Scott Putin is so much better than this bloodthirsty warmongerer that we got.

If I was Putin’s father, I would have bounced you on my knee.

And filled your heart with glee.

So that you could see,

That the world doesn’t have to be filled with pain and strife,

Because there’s a better life.

And can I just say that, while it’s less important than the crucial moral message, the poeticism on display here is truly breathtaking.

If I was Putin’s father I would tear apart the domineering patriarchal values that caused such strife. I would lead by example, so he would retain his mothers name. So he would be Vladimir Putin-Hyde.

If I was Putin’s father, my little baby Putin would never feel hunger, or ever feel fear. My little baby Putin would never ever go to jail, or end up as a statistic in KKK America, where a Black Man just dies. If he’s Black, he just dies.

I don’t even know why I’m allowing this love-speech on my site. Here I am trying to harden the goyim’s hearts to hate, and yet this loving truth is wrapping its little tendrils around my blackened heart and leaving only friendship and happiness in its stead. This is why we must start supporting Israel, goyim.

Also the IDF babes.

If I was Putin’s father, Putin would be a progressive and kind leader, who would throw out all of Russia’s history books. And teach Russia Chicana Feminism. And never again would a Russian Man’s hand be wrapped around a Latino Womans throat.

Putin, if I was your daddy I would teach you about all the gays and Blacks.

So you would think twice, about Ukraine you attack.

If I was your dad,

I would be so glad.

You gotta love Sam Hyde.

If I was Putin’s father, I would have circumsized him extra, so that he would know how hard it would be to grow up with a womans clitoris.

The comments are arguably better than the poem itself.

Pour one out for Samantha Hyde, the transgender Ghost of Kiev, here to stop Bad Man Putin from his murderous rampage over the reddit tranny volunteer dilation force.

Not because he’s dying, more because it looks like he’s getting evicted. Hope that’s part of some sketch he’s doing and he’s not actually falling on hard times.

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