SCENE: The Daily Rake’s lavish news studio. Camera pans in on the absurdly handsome Dr. Shekelstein with his long blonde hair, and piercing blue eyes. We see that despite his claims of heeb ancestry, this man is 100% Pure Bavarian Phenotype. He’s well groomed, and impeccably dressed in a suit, and yet his subtle body movements display a powerful, almost animalistic athletic power. Truly a dashing figure. You get the sense that if his designer suit was torn off of him by an adoring fan we would be greeted by the site of chiseled abs, as if taken from a greek statue, and then oiled.

Shekelstein turns his impossibly handsome face to the camera, and his deep, smooth, unmistakably masculine and yet disarmingly friendly baritone starts the show.

Shekelstein: Recently here at The Daily Rake we documented Emma Watson coming out as advocating for the destruction of Israel. Emma received quite a lot of negative press for her courageous statement, with Schlomos everywhere predictably seething.

Emma Watson is no stranger to White Power Politics. Just yesterday we detailed how she was originally a keynote speaker at the NJP launch even in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Watson had to back out at the last minute due to a conflict with her shooting schedule, and NJP leadership viewed this as possibly a blessing in disguise due to Emma’s often controversial views on what she calls “the Heeb Question.”

But we don’t need to speak for Ms. Watson, because she joins us tonight on the Daily Rake.

SCENE: The band strikes up the introduction theme. The subdued yet classy music is played as Emma Watson is revealed. The audience claps and cheers their delight as Ms. Watson walks out from backstage. Pitch level is that of a tasteful, adult crowd.

And speaking of tasteful, Watson is positively radiant in her classy black dress that shows off her flawless porcelain skin. The eye is drawn down from her elegant neck to the top of her bust, where a small, yet classily sexual amount of cleavage is shown, by a thin golden necklage, ending in a black sonnenrad. Small earrings dangle from her ears, and she has black gloves that go all the way up to her elbow. Her dress hugs her figure, accentuating the feminine sway of her hips as she makes her way out to the stage. She waves to the crowd as her pouty lips draw back into a luminant smile.

Shekelstein walks with raw masculine power and grace as he crosses the gap between the two and clasps her hand in both of his. Emma stares deeply into Shekelstein’s eyes, her class temporarily vanishing as she is momentarily transfixed by him. Her mouth runs dry, and she realizes only after the fact that her breath has been taken away.

The moment between them lasts only a second, although the sexual tension will percolate through the evening. With a wry grin Dr. Shekelstein motions for Watson to sit down. She gracefully takes a seat, waves to the audience and smiles. It’s a well practiced routine for her.

Shekelstein: Emma. I can’t tell you how lovely it is to have you on tonight.

Emma Watson: I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to be on the The Daily Rake for the world.

SCENE: A brief period of high quality, polite yet not boring banter is exchanged between the two. Finally, the mood turns somewhat more serious.

Shekelstein: Emma you drew a lot of heat from the media for your comments on Palestinians recently.

Watson: From the Weapons of Mass Destruction Liars, mate.

Shekelstein: I’m sorry?

Watson: From the people who knowingly lied us into Iraq. From the people who tried to lie us into Syria by telling us that Bashar Al’ Assad was gassing a bunch of women and babies for absolutely no reason.

Shekelstein: That’s right.

Watson: And then those tossers did it again!

SCENE: Audience laughs politely as they recount that retarded bit of CIA was propaganda.

Shekelstein: That’s interesting that you would call them that Emma. We were talking about propaganda strategy behind the scenes on the pre-show interview earlier and you certainly have a lot to say.

Watson: Look, you need to establish when dealing with these beady eyed globalists slandering you that those people use lies to start wars. Really, lies to achieve mass murder, when you get right down to it.

Shekelstein: That’s a great point Ms. Watson. That these filthy hooked nosed Merchants have the audacity to lecture us morally.

Watson: As if mass murder propagandists have some sort of moral authority to lecture us from.

Shekelstein: And not just lecture us, demand that we be censored while they aren’t even punished for committing fraud resulting in the deaths of hundreds of thousands of innocent people.

Watson: Murders, really.

Shekelstein: That’s right, murders.

Watson: I’m on what feels like my 20th twitter account right now because of these curly haired mass murder propagandists demanding more censorship.

Shekelstein: I’m surprised to hear that.

Watson: What, that I’ve been censored on twitter?

Shekelstein: No, that you’re even still on there. We gave up years ago.

Watson: I think I might quit after this one.

Shekelstein: In any case, where can the audience find you if they’re still on twitter.

Watson: Currently I’m AryanSlaughterDemon1488, but the bannings just keep getting faster and faster.

Shekelstein: We noticed someone on and Gab recently followed us with that username.

Watson: That’s me!

Follow Emma Watson on at @AryanSlaughterDemon1488

Shekelstein: In any case Ms. Watson, we were saying something about Palestine.

Watson: Right, something about…

Shekelstein: Not letting jews murder them.

Watson: Of course. Jew nationalists though.

Shekelstein: Right, you mentioned that term before to me.

Watson: Well you can’t let Schlomo breathe here. When I dedicated my life to the White Race I initially fought quite stupidly and recklessly. I simply looked at the inferior brown races the way a god would.

Shekelstein: Ms. Watson, are we really sure we want to be saying “inferior brown races,” on television?

Watson: Oh right, optics. Sorry. I meant the brave Palestinians.

SCENE: Tasteful laughter from the audience.

Shekelstein: Right, the brave Palestinians. You’ve taken up an interest in their cause, why is that?

Watson: Well it’s all about strategy. I was saying jew nationalists earlier instead of jew. I’ve been around these hooked nosed Harvey Weinstein types most of my life. If you say jew they’ve got a thousand responses for that.

Shekelstein: A thousand ways of playing the victim.

Watson: Precisely. You have to deal with the “not all jews,” and all that other garbage.

Shekelstein: Muh anti-semitism. Muh hannuhkost. We all know the bit.

Watson: Right, but it’s like the modern day version of the Hitler quote. You know the one about a fraudster, a huckster, but call him a jew.

Shekelstein: Runs off him like water from a raincoat?

Watson: Yeah, that one.

Shekelstein: The modern day version is what exactly?

Watson: The heeb is immunized against all dangers. You may call him a marxist, communist, anti-White, fraudster, globalist, and it runs off his middle eastern beak like water from a raincoat. But call him a jew nationalist and you will be astonished at how he recoils, how injured he is, how he shrinks back: “I’ve been found out.”

Shekelstein: I believe that was actually Goebbels, if I’m not mistaken.

Watson: It bloody well may have been, but the point is that you force the heeb monster to defend the jew ethnostate.

Shekelstein: Israel.

Watson: Yes, but I like the term the jew ethnostate because it’s more to the point.

Shekelstein: You could certainly say that.

Watson: Anyway. When I got redpilled on YouTube back in 2015 I, Emma Watson, initially was going around talking about “Race War Now.”

Shekelstein: I recall you were one of the first bannings from twitter.

Watson: I also had a YouTube channel that got censored at around the same time.

Shekelstein: I’m sorry my memory must be failing me here.

Watson: White Power Hour with Emma Watson.

Emma used to cohost with Christopher Cantwell, but he denounced her as being “a tad unstable.”

Shekelstein: Right, how could I forget.

Watson: Anyway, it’s easy to pull a Kendall Jenner, and simply declare total war on brown people because you get triggered by their gross faces.

Shekelstein: Kendall certainly did go pretty hard in our interview with her.

Watson: But once you understand the heeb problem, and you understand how they use the inferior. I’m sorry, the noble savages as golems to serve their racial interests, you have to start getting smarter with how you combat this strategy.

Shekelstein: Most people say the jew question, not problem.

Watson: Question? The only question is how we’re bloody going to put them all in ovens for real this time doctor.

“We must secure the existence of our people, and a future for White children.” – Emma Watson

SCENE: Tasteful but uproarious applause. The notorious Dr. Shekelstein smiles, and allows the audience to indulge themselves for a while, before raising his hand for silence.

Shekelstein: So how are we going to do that Emma?

Watson: With the N.A.Z.I. method.

Shekelstein: I’ve heard about this.

Watson: When a jew starts rubbing its hands and whining at you, you say No. Then you Ask about Israel and Zionism.

Shekelstein: So how does that look like in practice?

Watson: Well for starters it looks like my Instagram page.

Shekelstein: Yes of course.

Watson: But you can look to the Ben and Jerry’s tale as an example.

Shekelstein: Ah yes. Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfeld. Promoters of every anti-White and perverted cause on the planet.

Watson: And then one day, silenced.

Shekelstein: A single tweet from what I hear.

Watson: Not just one, but that’s what started it.

Shekelstein: And there’s still radio silence over there?

Watson: Eventually they began tweeting again, but far more subdued, and they had to promise to stop selling ice cream in occupied Palestine.

Shekelstein: Unimportant to the bottom line, but I’m sure it really perturbed their petunias.

Watson: I’ve never seen someone so chapped before. It was bloody amazing!

Shekelstein: Amazing. The power of the N.A.Z.I. method. All that from some tweets.

Watson: It’s the shortcut to complete Aryan Supremacy.

Shekelstein: But why is it so effective?

Watson: Because it shows them to be hypocritical and malicious in just a few words. Think about it, would you rather waste time making the argument against mass migration, or simply point out that the people pushing this brown filth into our countries are jew nationalists who do violent racial cleansings in Israel to steal those brown people’s land.

Shekelstein: I think you probably shouldn’t be saying “brown filth,” Ms. Watson.

Watson: Right, sorry. I’m such a clutz.

Shekelstein: No no Emma, we all love you here. Isn’t that right.

SCENE: The audience tastefully cheers for race warrior Emma Watson. Emma blushes, slightly embarrassed by the love an adoration she is receiving as the people’s champion.

 Shekelstein: Emma you know you’re always welcome. However, we’re out of time. What projects are you involved with that are coming out soon?

Watson: Well I’m working with Kikeslammer88 on an upcoming fantasy movie called Blood Magic.

Shekelstein: That sounds interesting. I wouldn’t have guessed that’d be your type of thing.

Watson: I wouldn’t have initially been interested, but he made it very clear that the villains are thinly veiled allegories for jews.

Shekelstein: Oh, that sounds more like you.

Watson: And not to give anything away, but they get their magic powers by doing blood sacrifices of infant children.

Shekelstein (laughs): Say no more. And when can it be out?

Watson: We finished filming in October, and it’s scheduled for release sometime this summer.

Shekelstein: Ms. Emma Watson everybody.

SCENE: Shekelstein and Watson stand up as the audience cheers their approval. After a few moments they turn to each other and embrace. First politely, but their gaze and hands linger and slide on each other just a beat too long for pure professionalism. With some effort they manage to break their gaze away from each other, and Emma Watson walks out back the path she came in on, waving and smiling to the crowd.

Shekelstein: And with that it’s another Daily Rake. Tune in next time as we get Owen Wilson on here after he publicly claimed the NJP was too cucked for him.

SCENE: Camera zooms back out, pans to the crowd. As Shekelstein waves to the crowd the band begins to play. The show cuts to black as the credits role.

You may also like


  1. This is probably the weirdest fan fiction I’ve ever read

  2. I understand that Emma Watson is one of the more attractive girls in hollywood but nonetheless, she is still a whore who sells out unfortunately. Just curious as to why you made an entire article about a fictionous sitdown with her?

    1. *fictitious.

      Look, Emma has some strategic advice for all of us that we needed to hear.

    2. Thats just a front she puts forward to fit in, trust us

  3. Delight! Simply delight!

  4. A front? So we could use that excuse for any girl we think is super attractive in hollywood then? Strategic advise? Cant tell if that is sarcasm or not, haha.

    Interesting. And thanks for the correction

  5. More based Nazi Emma gontent blease

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

More in Satire