I Hate the E-Right Part 22: Twinkmaxxing

On a recent article I wrote surveying the utter desolation of the modern internet, I got an interesting comment from “Paranoid Boomer.” I agree with most of it, and thought this part was worth reproducing.

Maybe the breakdown of traditional monogamy makes men think that having S-tier looks is the only sure way to know women will love you and not cheat on you, but I can’t imagine that attracting women is the primary motivation for obsessing this much over your face. It reminds me of the beautiful ones from the Rat Utopia experiment.

I believe that he’s actually referring to John C. Calhoun’s Mouse Utopia experiment, specifically Universe 25. At the end of the experiment, the entire mouse colony died out, with the last generations of males not reproducing, yet spending much of their time grooming themselves.

It is worth mentioning that Calhoun’s Rat/Mice experiments do not appear to ever have been reproduced, except by Calhoun. I don’t say that to slander Calhoun. By all accounts, he was a serious, honest researcher, albeit quite opinionated. I just can’t trust non-reproduced works after all the academic scandals we’ve seen, which date back to around Calhoun’s time and probably before. I also think there are hard limits on the extrapolation from mice to people.

Beyond that, I’m not sure I agree with “Paranoid Boomer’s” comparison. I’ve seen plenty of weird comments online like “we don’t workout for the girls, we workout for ourselves,” but for the most part, I think even the guys wearing makeup and curling their eyelashes are making an honest if misguided effort to make themselves more attractive to women. Maybe the one good thing about Blackpill Looksmaxxxers is that they don’t promote total asexuality.

A lot of this obsession with looks is also men having a more feminine obsession with their own youth, which in the absence of traditional sources of meaning in life is really all that men have left. – Paranoid Boomer

Now this, I agree with. These guys are already wearing makeup, curling their eyelashes, getting plastic surgery, and obsessing over youth. Now they’ve even created the duck face equivalent. Apparently, if you ever smile in a picture as a man, it’s over for you.

But wait, maybe you can still save yourself. Watch the video below to become the “it” boy of Instagram.

For the record, “it boy,” is one of the gayest terms I have ever heard. It’s so gay that I’ve made fun of Pierre Poilievre, Conservative Party of Canada Leader, by calling him “the It Boy of Conservatism,” although I can’t find the exact article. I didn’t think anyone could possibly use the term unironically, but I was wrong.

One of the first things you’ll notice with these people is pseudo-scientific jargon used to provide the trappings of serious intellectualism over what is the video creators random musings. For example, above we see a video “scientifically,” breaking down whether wahmens prefer prettyboys to hypermasculine Chads. We know it’s scientific, because they break out charts like this.

For some reason it never occurs to these geniuses that they aren’t so much looking at three different types of men, but rather three similar men at very different ages. 

To show this more clearly, let me use the exact same man for the “Soft Boys,” “Chads,” and “Hyper Masculine” archetype. Brad, if you would be so kind.

What about Leonardo DiCaprio?

The term “prettyboy” has always been a bit gay. Dissatisfied with slight homosexuality, the BlackPillers invented the term “soft boys,” to really up the gay factor. Ignoring that, these “soft boys” are just good looking, masculine men who are very young. Sure, Leo DiCaprio isn’t the pinnacle of masculinity, but he’s never been some androgenous figure that anyone would confuse with a girl either.

To illustrate the point even further I searched for pictures of Jason Momoa – their example for “Hyper Masculine” – as a teenager. Surprising no one, he’s smack dab in the middle of the “SoftBoys/Chad” archetype. “Hyper masculine” is, apparently, another term for “being 45 and keeping yourself in shape”.

I’m writing all this because JewTube has recommended me even more “BlackPill” videos. They’re all this ridiculous, and many are outright harmful. For some strange reason, a lot of these “BlackPillers” want to downplay the importance of “gymmaxxing,” because apparently wahmens prefer prettyboys soft boys who don’t work out. In fact, working out is nothing more than “Masculinity Coping.”

The above video is from “Tails,” a prominent BlackPill fag. I actually do think that he’s a homosexual, and I’ll get to that later. Anyway, his videos follow the format of being mostly text on screen, with occasional clips thrown in. They also follow the format of him just making up crazy shit to his impressionable young audience.

So don’t worry. Once you made into[sic] university there won’t be any masculinity copers. Everyone laughs at gymcels. They are of no danger at all.

From this statement we can concur that a very high percentage of his audience aren’t young men, but outright high schoolers, as they haven’t made it into university yet. If they had, they would have realized that no one laughs at people who go to the gym. That’s not a thing.

People who go to the gym are more attractive and “cooler” than people who don’t, on average. That’s the way it was when I was in university, and looking at my local gym, I see plenty of university aged “Chads” and “Stacys” showing up, especially over a holiday break when they find themselves back at home. No one is laughing at these people. That’s something that this Tails guy made up, ironically, as some sort of bizarre cope.

The closest you’ll ever see people come to laughing at attractive people – also known as “people who workout” – is when some e-girl posts a video of her ass online. Even then, all the guys chuckling at her would suddenly find it in themselves to forgive her “cute, quirky behaviour,” – as they’d call it – should she want to be their girlfriend. 

I’ve come to believe that Tails’ intentions are more sinister than simple coping. He’s deliberately feeding his audience bad information because he’s either a misanthrope, or a homosexual trying to turn young men into gay twinks. Why else would he want his young, teenage, male audience to make themselves as thin as possible, give themselves a gay haircut, and stop working out?

I’m not kidding when I say that Tails, as part of this “looksmaxxing community,” tells his teenage followers to not work out. His rationale for this is that wahmens don’t like men who take steroids, therefore going to the gym at all is bad.

(0:35)

Interviewer: Do you like guys on steroids?

Girl: No *laughs*

Interviewer: No, not a fan?

Girl: No.

I need to preface what I’m about to say next with a lot of nuance. I do not in any way, shape, or form condone steroid abuse, especially for young people. There are a lot of young people, mostly guys, who see their naturally scrawny fifteen year old bodies not shaping up to their ideal masculine image. Some do nothing other than fantasize about having a more attractive body. Others take the very positive action of getting into the gym, and building their body naturally. Unfortunately, plenty of teenagers take steroids. Some of them do this for sports, but for many, the reason they do so is to be more appealing to girls.

This isn’t simply overall detrimental, as I believe, but outright silly, according to Tails. He shows us of the kind of bodies that wahmenkind really find most attractive, and there are no steroids to be found, let alone any gymrat masculinity coping.

I hate to break it to you buddy, but not only was this body built in the gym, that guy is probably on gear. Most of the rest of the ostensibly ideal male physiques are also probably taking anabolics, even the guy on the end.

Yes, I am aware that all of these bodies are definitely attainable naturally. That doesn’t mean that they actually were attained naturally. There is a huge overlap between the natural physiques of genetically gifted guys who have spent a decade in the gym, and the enhanced physiques of genetically average guys who have lifted for two years and are on gear. Most of the people who take anabolics don’t do so to compete at Mr. Olympia, they do so to get their beach body faster. It’s difficult to put on muscle, and a lot of guys want the physique they could have after five years of training, to come after one year of training, especially impatient teenagers.

I feel absolutely no shame in admitting that, even after a full nine months of training, and having plenty of muscle memory helping me pack on muscle, these teenagers all have at least as much upper body muscle as I do. For their age, they have an extremely high amount of muscularity, paired with extremely low body fat. That combination screams “anabolics,” even though, again, I am aware that these physiques are naturally achievable.

There are women who like bodybuilders, but it’s only a small niche.

Literally all four of these guys are bodybuilders.

I remember, long before the term “Chad” had entered the lexicon, hearing the term “Juiced Party Bro,” so often it was abbreviated to JPB. This referred to guys, usually university aged, who worked out, and went on gear to build muscle while maintaining very low bodyfat%. Fifteen years ago, and probably long before that, this was seen as a good strategy to get girls, because health risks aside, it was.

The four “ideal male physiques” that Tails selected immediately jumped out to me as textbook examples of the JPB archetype. It felt like I was transported back in time 15 years, only the guys were now sporting some stupid TikTok haircuts. Somehow, someway, these are the guys who he’s using as living proof that girls laugh at bodybuilders, and absolutely hate guys who take steroids. 

Of course, it is undoubtedly true that only a tiny percentage of women are attracted to the Mr. Olympia competitor look. That’s because those men are a combination of extreme genetic outliers, mixed with extreme anabolic steroid abuse, coupled with at least a decade in the gym, dieted down to 3% bodyfat. The end result looks like an alien trying to infiltrate humanity with a fake body created after one glance at an anatomy textbook. 

It should come as no great shock that women don’t enjoy the supraphysiological look of these creatures. The same is true for men admiring women’s bodies. Neither of these two physiques below are overly appealing to me, but I strongly prefer the version of this girl on the left, even though she doesn’t work out.

How about you? Do you like the girl below? Think she’s too muscled? Well, I guess that men don’t like gym girls who workout then, and especially hate girls on anabolic steroids.

These bikini girls are at least an improvement. I can see some men being attracted to this look, although they’d all look better with more bodyfat, and maybe less muscle. Personally, I still find this very unattractive. 

What about these girls? Are we getting warmer? The girl on the left really does it for me. How about you?

When we strip off just ten pounds of muscle, and add back some fat, we get the girl below. I’d say she has close to the ideal feminine physique, according to most men, and I certainly don’t disagree. She has a tight waist combined with a voluptuous figure. You can see her toned, but not overly large upper body in the picture beneath this one.

She achieved this look by being a “feminimity gymcel coper,” coupled with anabolic steroids. My brain finds that unattractive. My dick is entirely unbothered.

“The male gaze,” works almost exactly like “the female gaze.” Everybody is attracted to someone who looks like they have an athletic, healthy physique. That doesn’t mean that guys need a girl with a booty that sticks out a full foot behind their back. A decent, slim physique with some muscle gets a girl 80% of the way to ideal, just like a decent, slim physique with some muscle gets a guy 80% of the way to ideal. 

Having said that, there is a reason why the girls who need their physiques to be in absolute top form professionally go on anavar and other anabolic steroids, in addition to living in the gym. 

Above is one of many “fitness” e-girls who fits the archetype. Below we see another. You don’t like girls who take steroids, right? I bet you’d just hate it if these two girls kept trying to bother you into a threesome. 

Below is the same girl as above. She’s 19 years old, and her quads, hamstrings, and glutes are bigger than mine. You’re not a fan of this look, right?

For the record, there is such thing as being crass, and overly sexual. The picture above certainly pushes the limit. Nevertheless, I don’t know a single heterosexual man who wouldn’t be turned on by a cute girl he liked texting him a selfie like this. If this girl was head over heels for you, then you’d happily excuse her overly sexual behaviour as a quirk of her personality, just like girls excuse almost all behaviour from guys they’re attracted to.

I say all this, because if you asked most guys “do you like girls who take steroids,” they’d look at you like you spouted a second head. Of course they don’t like girls who take steroids. That’s disgusting, unnatural, unfeminine, gross, etcetera. But if you asked them if they like the bodies of these girls, they’d once again look at you like you asked them if water is wet. Of course they love their bodies, even though everyone knows these girls are trenning hard, anavar giving up.

There are two reasons for this contradiction. First, when people think “steroids,” they think of the absurd, grotesque caricatures of the human form that spawn into existence at the Arnold Classic. They don’t think of normal looking physiques that were nevertheless built by steroids, like Brad Pitt in Fight Club, or just about every Hollywood actor who suddenly gained 20lbs of muscle for a role.

Second, no one wants to admit they’d like a long term partner who takes steroids, for the same reason that no one wants to admit they’d want a partner who underwent plastic surgery. It’s deemed shallow, superficial, unbecoming. Besides, there are so many examples of faces utterly mangled by the knife. You’d have to be an idiot to get plastic surgery.

Yet so many Hollywood actors, male and female, pay money for procedures. They do this because, in moderation, they often do work. Similar to steroids, in no way shape or form am I promoting plastic surgery, outside of extreme cases like burn victims. However, if no one ever looked better after plastic surgery, it wouldn’t exist. The logical part of your brain may dislike a women who got a nosejob, but the logical part of your brain doesn’t determine what you find sexually attractive. You can dislike that a girl with a beak made in Israel got a rhinoplasty, but you’ll still find her sexier afterwards.

I’m not suggesting that, for a long term relationship, the only thing that matters is raw sexual attraction. Most people don’t want a wife/husband who is obsessed with their looks, and is unnaturally altering their face or body for “aesthetics.” Personality matters, and that’s not the behaviour we want out of the future mother/father of our children.

But what would you do if this steroid abusing gymrat femininity coper kept blowing up your phone with these selfies and told you that she was feeling really lonely tonight?

Guys can pretend that they don’t want a girl that looks like this all they want, but we all know they’re lying. Girls can pretend they don’t want guys with built, shredded bodies, but everyone except a small portion of the “BlackPill” e-community knows they’re lying. 

At this point, Tails has informed us that women don’t like bodybuilders by showing us four steroid abusing young amateur bodybuilders as the peak of male sexual appeal. He continues by, and I’m not making this up, referencing anime made for children as definitive proof that women don’t like muscular men at all. You see in anime, the male romantic interest is tall, skinny, and “hairmaxxed.”

Hey Siri, show me romance novel covers, please.

Woah! What the hell are all these muscles doing here? I’ve been informed by retards on the internet that the face, hair, and height is all that matters for the female gaze. This must be a romance novel for the homos then, right? Only men care about muscles as far as sex appeal goes.

GoodReads (Royally Yours Synopsis):

Years ago, Edward Langdon Richard Dorian Rourke, walked away from his title and country. Now he’s an adventurer—climbing mountains, exploring jungles, going wherever he wants, when he wants—until family devotion brings him home.

And a sacred promise keeps him there.

To Edward, the haughty, guarded little Queen is intriguing, infuriating…and utterly captivating. Wanting her just might drive him mad—or become his greatest adventure.

**

Within the cold, stone walls of the royal palace—mistrust threatens, wills clash, and an undeniable, passionate love will change the future of the monarchy forever.

Every dynasty has a beginning. Every legend starts with a story.

This is theirs.

Okay, so that particular novel is for women. Must be a one off. There’s no way that –

What the heck is this? We appear to have another shirtless masculinity coper showing off his physique front and center. It must be that the Redpillers have taken over the romance novel industry, and are forcing these muscled hunks upon unsuspecting wahmens, who would much prefer androgenous twinks.

Will these women ever catch a break? Where are the ultra skinny prettyboys with stupid hair that I was promised? Some of these guys are even over 8% bodyfat! This is bordering on buff dad bod territory!

I even found the atrocity below on a site that produces generic romance novel covers. A half-shirtless man with pecs and abs, just waiting to disgust every woman in a ten mile radius of the bookstore he’ll be sold at.

It’s sick how much the male gaze has infiltrated what was supposed to be a safe space for women and their desires for men without muscles. Women just don’t like buff men with abs. We know this because, while the entire rest of society thinks this, genius BlackPill dipshits online tell us otherwise by referencing random anime aimed at 12 year old girls. 

I hope none of you think that I cherry picked any of these covers. I didn’t search “Buff Men Romance Covers,” or anything like that, just “Romance Novel Covers.” Some of them don’t even bother showing the man’s face. It’s literally just a jacked upper body, and that’s it. 

I’m also not kidding when I say that one of the messages these malicious cretins push to their high school audience is that the face/height, and maybe hair is all that matters. The first takeaway is that you really might as well not even try, unless you were born with Brad Pitt’s face genetics. However, should you want to make an effort, consider starving yourself until you look like an androgenous homosexual.

Yet a skinny man as the love interest in a romance novel would be considered a fetish. The norm, which exists because it satisfies the sexual demand of the female audience, is men who range from top 10% male muscularity, to being about one steroid cycle away from competing in the next Mr. Olympia.

Jaime, can you bring up that UCLA meta-analysis looking at women’s preferences for men changing based on ovulation, and therefore peak fertility?

UCLA:

Scientific interest in whether women experience changes across the ovulatory cycle in mating-related motivations, preferences, cognitions, and behaviors has surged in the past 2 decades. A prominent hypothesis in this area, the ovulatory shift hypothesis, posits that women experience elevated immediate sexual attraction on high- relative to low-fertility days of the cycle to men with characteristics that reflected genetic quality ancestrally. Dozens of published studies have aimed to test this hypothesis, with some reporting null effects.

We conducted a meta-analysis to quantitatively evaluate support for the pattern of cycle shifts predicted by the ovulatory shift hypothesis in a total sample of 134 effects from 38 published and 12 unpublished studies. Consistent with the hypothesis, analyses revealed robust cycle shifts that were specific to women’s preferences for hypothesized cues of (ancestral) genetic quality (96 effects in 50 studies). Cycle shifts were present when women evaluated men’s “short-term” attractiveness and absent when women evaluated men’s “long-term” attractiveness. More focused analyses identified specific characteristics for which cycle shifts were or were not robust and revealed areas in need of more research.

Finally, we used several methods to assess potential bias due to an underrepresentation of small effects in the meta-analysis sample or to “researcher degrees of freedom” in definitions of high- and low-fertility cycle phases. Neither type of bias appeared to account for the observed cycle shifts. The existence of robust relationship context-dependent cycle shifts in women’s mate preferences has implications for understanding the role of evolved psychological mechanisms and the ovulatory cycle in women’s attractions and social behavior.

I’ve heard before that social science is incapable of proving anything other than the blindingly obvious. That women are more drawn to muscular men when they really want dick, and “prettier” men the rest of the time, should be a surprise to absolutely no one who has any amount of experience in the real world. The prioritization of facial beauty for long term relationships, and tight, athletic, muscular bodies for short term sexual attraction works the exact same way for men. Obviously, it’s ideal for a partner to have both, as Ms. Palvin demonstrates.

It was difficult for me to find an example of a very beautiful woman who has a very average body, because most of the women who get paid for their looks hit the gym. I was about to give up, until I remembered Rachel “wife material” McAdams from Wedding Crashers. She’s extraordinarily beautiful, yet not overly sexy.

That’s because Ms. McAdams has a totally normal, yet entirely unexciting body. I’m not making any sort of moral condemnation of her lack of squatting. I’m just pointing out that she got cast as the wife/girlfriend figure in a lot of movies, for a very good reason. It’s actually better that she doesn’t have a killer body, because it make her less sexual in the role, which makes for a less uncomfortable viewing experience. She’s supposed to be the girl your mother loves as much as you do, and having a tight ass isn’t part of that equation.

McAdams is the kind of girl you fantasize about spending time with. This girl is the one you fantasize about undressing, to put it mildly.

There’s a reason why she looks like a high quality porn whore. Or rather, there’s a reason why porn whores look like her. When the fantasy the girl is selling is that of a girlfriend/wife, she needs to have a pretty, sometimes even chubby face. When the fantasy is sexual, she needs to have a tight, athletic body, because bodies are inherently sexual. If you see a nice body, you think of sex, and the exact same thing is true for women when looking at men. 

That’s why, again, plenty of romance novels don’t even bother showing the man’s face. 

Because I secretly love putting up pictures of e-sluts on this site, I’ll keep beating this dead horse with another example. Let’s say you start dating some girl you met at the gym. Your mother asks for a picture of your new girlfriend. Are you going to show her this?

Or this?

What this Tails dipshit “discovered,” is that there is a continuum of romantic fiction, all the way from totally chaste, to full blown pornographic. If you’re watching some anime, where after five seasons the main characters, one time, almost held hands but then got too nervous, they’re probably going to be almost androgenous stick figures. On the other hand, if it’s somewhat smutty, the men are going to be jacked, and the girls are going to have snatched waists and nice curves. If it’s outright pornographic, faces become optional. 

This isn’t just true for online video pornography. “Spicy,” – meaning graphic sex scenes – romance novels tend to have extremely muscular male romantic interests. BlackPillers might pretend that kind of content is only for older women, but plenty of barely post-pubescent women read these things. That’s a societal problem in and of itself, but critiquing that is for another article. 

Jane Friedman:

While book sales were down in 2022 compared to 2021, they’d be down much further if it weren’t for TikTok. In fact, the growing sales of adult fiction since 2020 can be credited partly to TikTok’s influence as well as to Colleen Hoover, who is active there. NPD BookScan’s Kristen McLean has noted in particular, “When we looked at romance author sales earlier this year, it was clear that BookTok is contributing to the most romance gains and helping to create a new romance fan base among young readers. … This truly is a whole new group of readers coming to this genre.”

I can see the “BlackPillers” coping by pretending that the romance fiction young women enjoy are chaste, innocent loves stories, similar to that unnamed anime show he referenced. Let’s cross check that with reality.

“Fourth Wing” was the most popular romance novel in 2023. It’s in the “new adult” genre, which basically means for wahmen aged 15-19. The novel stars Violet as the female main character, and Xaden as the male love interest. It’s also pretty fucked up.

Yes, there’s a scene where two dragons get horny and start having sex. This then transfers to the dragon riders, Violet and Xaden, who apparently feel everything their dragons feel, so they start getting really into it. It’s even more disturbing, because the guy has a female dragon, so he basically gets the feeling of a dragon dick penetrating him against his will. 

In addition to the weird dragon sex scene, there are multiple explicit sex scenes between Violet and Xaden. They are described as “graphic, descriptive, and very long”. It’s basically like if a rom com didn’t cut away when the love interests finally had sex, and we were “treated” to a fifteen minute long porno, multiple times. 

The rest of the plot is retarded and the writing is awful, but the young women who read this aren’t in it for the plot.

@paigeturnerr

These are all great books to help distract you from your Fourth Wing obsession (; #booktok #bookrecs #fourthwing #acotar #frombloodandash #cruelprince #onceuponabrokenheart #theserpentandthewingsofnight #fantasy

♬ original sound – paigeturnerr

To see what has them so entranced, we turn to a description of “Xaden,” the male love interest.

The Empyrean Fandom:

Xaden is muscular and tall with windblown black hair and dark brows. He has warm-toned tawny-brown skin with dark stubble along his jawline and his eyes resemble the shade of gold-flecked onyx. When Violet first meets him she describes him as, “more than four inches over six foot tall”^[1] His features are harsh and utterly perfect, as if an artist spent their lifetime carving and sculpting them, yet alone a year on his mouth. A diagonal scar bisects his left eyebrow and ends at the top corner of his cheek, he received this scar from Sgaeyl during his Threshing.

Relic and Scars

Xaden’s chest is massive, with wide shoulders and heavily muscled arms.^[2] He carries a dark shimmering rebellion relic curved in swirls and dips, starting at his left wrist up to his collar, swirling up his neck and stopping at his jawline. His back is covered in a dragon relic of Sgaeyl, that sweeps from his waist to over both of his shoulders, as well as 107 scars that almost resemble silver lines. He gains another scar over his heart that he took claiming responsibility for Violet, prior to the events of Iron Flame.

I searched for artwork of him, and here’s the very first image that came up. He really looks, genetically, like a guy who goes to the gym a lot. 

In case you think that his muscularity is just a small piece of the puzzle, think again. I can’t find it now, but one of the reviews I watched read a bunch of excerpts from the book, and pretty much all of the sexy men at Dragon Academy, or whatever it’s called, are getting physically objectified to satisfy the female gaze.

There’s one particularly hilarious scene where Violet watches Xaden sparring with some other hunk. They’re both shirtless, panting, and covered in sweat. Numerous references to the two stud’s “rippling” muscles are hot, heavy, and start almost immediately. Violet, eyes glued to Xaden, starts biting her lip as she think things like “I mean, how many muscles are there in the abdomen anyway!?” 

It made me laugh. It’s the female equivalent of me writing a story about a bunch of knockout high school girls having a particularly rambunctious pillow fight wearing only their panties. However, ridiculous though this is, don’t pretend that the teenage girls who can’t get enough Fourth Wing aren’t reading that chapter with the book held entirely in one hand, if you catch my drift, and when they lay in bed late at night, they dream of sweaty Xaden’s muscles rippling as he rearranges their guts.

Which is odd, because…

Muscles aren’t unique to Fourth Wing. This isn’t some sort of trendy fetish, that will be gone with the wind. Remember Twilight? Remember Jacob/Taylor Lautner. There was supposed to be this debate amongst the fandom, whether they were Team Edward or Team Jacob. However, all the girls I knew agreed that Jacob/Taylor Lautner was the obviously hotter choice. 

Jaime, can you pull up a pick of this guy? I’m sure he’ll be rail thin, with –

I’ll put him and the Fourth Wing guy side by side so you can really see how muscles are just a male fantasy, and nothing women particularly look for. 

Lautner’s physique was built with steroids, at least for the sequel. Below is what he looked like in the first movie. Even then, he had a tremendous physique for his age, and looked great.

However, the studio demanded that he put on 30lbs of muscle.

The List:

In the process, Jacob undergoes a significant transformation from that of a scrawny teen to suddenly being absolutely ripped. Of course, that change was a lot to ask of Lautner, but the then 20-year-old followed a strict diet and exercise routine to gain the 30 pounds of muscle (via Men’s Health) required to portray a recently transformed werewolf.

But according to “Twilight” co-star Ashely Greene, the apprehension around whether Lautner could achieve this in such a short space of time nearly cost the actor his role in “New Moon.”

However, as Greene noted on her podcast (via Insider), Lautner “obviously came through because he gained so much muscle.” She also distinctly remembers the actor “complaining constantly about always having to eat” to keep up with gaining muscle mass. Despite this, Lautner was dedicated to Jacob’s character development — even as early as filming wrapped for “Twilight.”

“I knew I had to get to work right away; there could be no waiting involved,” Lautner told Interview magazine, adding that the constant eating was a problem. “At one point I had to shove as much food in my body as possible to pack on the calories,” he said. The actor was also aware of the rumors that he was being replaced but chose to block that out. “Honestly, I knew where my character went in ‘New Moon’ and that’s all I tried to stay focused on,” Lautner said during an interview with Collider. “I couldn’t control things on the outside, I couldn’t control the media. But I could control what I was doing to portray Jacob Black correctly. So that’s what I stayed focused on the whole time.”

Here’s Taylor Lautner just a few years after the Twilight series ended. We’d expect him to be even bigger, being in his early 20’s. Instead, he still looks great, but with a very attainable physique. This is called “going off gear.”

Just in case you still think that Twilight and Fourth Wing are anomalies, may I add that my oldest sister had this famous Marky Mark picture hung up on her bedroom wall growing up?

For the record, Taylor Lautner is 5’8. Mark Wahlberg is 5’7.

Which is weird, because 80% of your looks are determined by your face and height. Granted, both of these men are extremely handsome, but I can’t help but think that there’s a reason why girls save their shirtless pics. That reason must be that it shows off their face and height better. 

Can’t change your voice. Can’t change your eye colour. I guess there’s nothing left to do but starvemaxx.

Tails graciously shows us this porker, who ascended purely due to losing weight. Buddy over here’s at ~25% bodyfat, and I don’t think it should be controversial to say that he’d be much more attractive after dropping down to around 15%. 

But we’ve heard that going to the gym is a masculinity cope, so the solution is obviously to cut out that gym membership and –

Uh, Tails, you’re literally showing me a guy going to the gym. What the hell is this masculinity coping doing in here!?

At the end of this one year transformation, the guy looks like he’s been hitting the gym for the past decade. It’s not even clear that he lost weight. Fat, sure, but I could easily see this guy losing 20lbs of fat, but gaining 30lbs of muscle. His arms are bigger in circumference than they were before he lost all the fat. Does Tails think that losing fat revealed arms that were somehow larger than before? I feel like I’m being trolled with how stupid this is.

This guy literally just showed the one year transformation of a guy who hit the gym religiously, and was probably juicing. Before that he showed us the “ideal physiques,” of four juiced party bros who also go to the gym. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills here. 

That was bad, but Tails reveals his homosexuality with this next part, explaining to young men that, while the gym is a waste of time, they can always “stylemaxx.” 

To prove this, he shows the slow decent of a normal looking boy into a full blown homo. 

I’m not making this up, and it’s even gayer when you watch the video, since the guy is very effeminate. This is the only example he gives of stylemaxxing, so don’t think that I’m cherrypicking. 

The reason why is up for interpretation. I think he’s telling his audience to turn into homosexual twinks, because that’s what he personally is attracted to, but maybe he’s just clueless, or thinks it’s funny to destroy other men’s chances with women. Who knows? 

… and yet only one in ten guys who order my face rating are hairmaxxed.

If you would like to be more appealing to older homosexual men, you’re free to pay for the privilege of him telling you to strip all the muscle off your frame before dyeing your hair pink, wearing eyeliner, and getting a stupid haircut. After all, that’s the look that girls love so much.

In case you haven’t ruined your chances with women enough, Tails magnanimously shares his secret information on “personalitymaxxing.” One of the few truths that the BP guys espouse is that your personality barely matters, within reason. If you are sexually attractive to her, your flaws become cute little quirks. Additionally, you can’t act in a way that makes anyone sexually attracted to you, because sexual attraction is physical. But we’re throwing all that out the window, because now it’s time to act like a total weirdo.

Tails starts off by giving us the crucially important information that women love serial killers. I don’t know what’s actionable about that, and I hope not to find out. Luckily, informs us that wahmens hate being complimented on their looks, which seems like much more practical advice.

Personally, I have never met a single women who didn’t love being complimented on their looks, romantically or otherwise. It does not matter that they know you want to smash them, they put effort into their appearance, they want you to notice. It’s crazy the amazing luck I’ve experienced to never meet any of the “normal” girls who hate getting compliments. 

And here I was thinking that double texting was a natural part of any text conversation. I don’t want to hear any masculinity copers saying things like “only weirdos obsess over meaningless shit like this.” Look, it’s 2024. The way to get vag is to wear eyeliner, dye your hair pink, strip all the muscle off your frame, and twinkmaxx. Then combine that with text game that would bore someone in solitary confinement to death, and you’ll pretty much be drowning in poon. 

At this point, I could see you wondering why I included this in the “I Hate The E-Right,” series. This advice has to be coming from some antifa-adjacent homosexual, right? 

When Tails isn’t talking his fourteen year old audience into twinkifying themselves, he’s ranting about how George Soros is bad because he isn’t a libertarian, and unironically using Juden Peterstein as a source for his evo psych theorizing. I’m sure if I searched for five minutes I could find him praising the ground that Benny Shapiro walked on.

Makes sense. They subvert the Goyim’s natural, healthy political instincts and turn it into zio-garbage. Tails subverts a young man’s natural, healthy desire for feminine affection, and turns him into a makeup wearing homosexual who appeals to older gay perverts. 

 

The modern internet remains a total sewer.