Every time I think I’m out, they pull me right back in. After finishing my Felting of Fuentes series, and wrapping up with the Greatest Hits, I honest to god thought I would never write about the little Mexican Twink again. But the Serious Guy Optical LOLcows known as America First can’t seem to stop with the entirely unforced errors, and frankly, it’s funny and easy content. 

The future president of the United States of America is unable to work or even function during the daytime. He is in fact so debilitated by sunlight that he cannot empathize with the 99.9% of the world that is able to “cope,” with it not being nighttime. And by “cope,” I mean enjoy being able to see shit.

This is sort of like being a vampire, but with any sort of sex appeal totally stripped away. Like if Nosferatu was a constantly online anime porn enthusiast who pretended to be superior to normal guys because he couldn’t get any pussy. Or if Dracula kept pretending to take over the Republican Party, but they wouldn’t let him even go to their conventions. 

Come to think of it “I keep trying to join the Republican Party, but they won’t let me,” might be a statement that disqualifies anyone from being a serious villain of any sort. Imagine being so gay that acceptance into the Republican Party would be a serious step up in legitimacy for your AIDS ridden political movement.

The world’s oldest pre-teen continues with this edgy post about how men, or rather just rich men, should be allowed to buy a wife as property. These are the sorts of takes that us heterosexual lanklets are incapable of spewing forth, what with being secret marxist feminazis. This is why you will never get D list republican politicians to show up to your TwinkPAC and shill hard for Israel, heteros. 

Pictured: Future Cabinet Ministers argue with heterosexual.

Thank goodness we’ve got this Catboi Fetishist to lead us through nuclear trench warfare at the behest of the Republican Party.

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  1. Hitler had a similar work schedule though. ;^)

    1. He’s clearly the next president

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