MonkeyPox Dilemma, Pants-Shitting or Fissures?

There is much debate over what are the most important philosophical questions of our time. Do we have free will? What is the meaning of life? Is god real? And most importantly, should I have a snazzy butthole, but shit myself in public, or have an unaesthetic butthole, but manage to hold my shit in?

I’m in a real gay man’s dilemma. Do I get Botox for my hole to reduce fissures/allow me to bottom more, but take the risk of shitting myself in public?

You know I was just wondering this myself the other day. It’s such a conundrum us in the AIDS-Community face on a daily basis. Like, I want my asshole to look snazzy, which is why I’m extremely excited for my upcoming appointment with Dr. Goldstein. But in the meantime it’s really important to me that the 400 men who want to enjoy my butthole at the latest Fuck Party aren’t grossed out by any fissures.

What an absolutely wacky quagmire we’ve found ourselves in!

Our brave MonkeyPox Enjoyer isn’t done here.

If you have a fissure: -Drs can give you a compound Rx ointment that increases bloodflow to the area. DO NOT use hemorrhoid cream, it does the opposite. -Butt Botox can help relax the sphincter, speeding up healing. If it causes incontinence you will tighten up in 2-3 months.

-You can also do anorectal biofeedback sessions to train you to relax those muscles. -If all of the above doesn’t heal you, you can undergo a lateral internal sphincterotomy (LIS), which involves cutting a portion of the sphincter to reduce pain and promote healing.

I appreciate the discourse and how vulnerable people have been sharing their struggles with bottoming, fissures, & IBS. The ridicule & vitriol I received exemplifies the stigma around this. Do not be ashamed, you are not alone. Thank you for the overwhelming love and support.

This might sound like a crazy idea, but I’m just going to throw it out there. If you keep getting serious anus damage have you tried not putting any dicks in there? 

I had to throw that out there, but something tells me that “Feces obsessed capitalist,” is just not interested in the “no penises in the anus,” healthcare plan. Above is his twatter profile, and below are the first three tweets I saw.

Turns out his handle is @sloppyscorpio. And I mean, put that in the context of him craving dicks up his ass…

And just in case you didn’t get that no, @sloppyscorpio really enjoys fecal matter, he put out this video.

I’m sorry to do this to you, but let’s zoom in on that last frame for a second.

Well, that might be the grossest thing I’ve ever put on this site. Sorry about that guys.