Heeb Oligarch Roman Abramovich Non-Lethally Poisoned by Mystery Assassin, Possibly Allergies

The Sun UK:

ROMAN Abramovich confirmed last night that he has been the victim of a suspected poisoning – allegedly using chemical weapons.

Thank god they clarified that. I was thinking this was a poisoning using blunt force trauma. Luckily the top investigators confirmed that, no, the poisoning was from a chemical and not like a gun or something.

Also, what does it mean to confirm that you suspect you’ve been poisoned? That’s a really weird statement that I’m going to confirm as “no real evidence for poisoning.”

Reports claimed he went blind for several hours and skin peeled off his hands and face after he joined peace talks between Russia and Ukraine.

This is a really weird way to poison someone. I mean, I strongly suspect that it’s really not that hard to have someone killed. Why you would choose a poison that is more irritating than actually poisonous is beyond me.

The sanctioned Chelsea owner, 55, is said to have suffered alarming symptoms along with two Ukrainian peace negotiators, after reportedly eating poisoned chocolates at the peace talks.

The alleged attack was blamed on hardliners in Moscow who want to sabotage the talks and continue Putin’s bloody war, although some said Abramovich may have been poisoned by mistake.

Symptoms included red eyes, constant and painful tearing, and peeling skin on their faces and hands, reports the Wall Street Journal.

Abramovich also lost his sight for several hours as a result of the attack in the Ukraine capital Kyiv earlier this month, according to The Guardian.

I’m sorry are we going for budget poison offerings here when trying to kill the billionaires? I’m pretty sure any chemistry student could whip you up something odorless and tasteless that would leave the victim with less than just itchy, watery eyes.

Abramovich, plus two Ukrainians, MP Rustem Umerov  and another negotiator, began experiencing searing eye pain following a peace meeting on March 3.

They had consumed only chocolate and water in the hours before.

Well I guess it makes sense. It’d be weird if all these guys had the same symptoms for no reason. I guess everyone who –

A fourth member of the team did not fall ill, despite having the same food and drink as them.

So why are we suspecting the chocolate then? If the fourth guy ate the chocolate and was fine, either he had some antidote already imbibed, or the chocolate has nothing to do with anything.

Ex-chemical weapons colonel Hamish de Bretton-Gordon claimed the poisoning “had all the hallmarks of the Russian secret service” — and Abramovich may have been attacked by mistake.

Hamish De Bretton-Gordon

No, Hamish. Don’t feel like you need to explain further. We’ll just take it as gospel that the Russian Secret Service routinely poisons people to give them itchy, watery eyes, as well as slightly higher flatulence. This is incredibly embarrassing for them during negotiations. Truly, 5D chess from Vlad the Bad.

But he went on: “It does seem very strange their own negotiator Abramovich was affected. Either they don’t care about civilian casualties or it has been a poor operation.

“We saw from the Salisbury operation that the Russians are not as sharp and professional as you might expect.”

I wish this website existed back then, but from what I remember it was one of the most obvious false flag attacks ever. The British intelligence claimed that the Russians poisoned Navalny with a poison that only exists in Russia. This is retarded on the face of it, and also not true.

It’s amazing how the Russians are so incompetent when poisoning people, isn’t it? They somehow never manage to actually kill the intended target. Instead they make them sneeze a little bit. That’ll show ’em.

However, an advisor to the Ukrainian presidential administration has dismissed the poisoning allegation as “speculation”.

Ukrainian negotiator Mykhailo Podolyak said “there is a lot of speculation, various conspiracy theories”.

Rustem Umerov, another member of the negotiating team, urged people not to trust “unverified information”.

Ukrainian Foreign Minister Dmytro Kuleba later took a similar line, saying in an interview on national television that “everyone is thirsty for news and sensations”.

However, he also added wryly: “I advise anyone going for negotiations with Russia not to eat or drink anything, (and) preferably avoid touching surfaces”.

One US official blamed an “environmental” reason for the poisoning, but gave no further explanation.

But security experts said the US may be seeking to  dampen down suggestions Russia had used a chemical weapon as this would put them under pressure to retaliate, which they are reluctant to do.

So basically nothing happened. Maybe there was some mold in the area. Maybe they all got the same illness. Or maybe ZOG did this as a false flag. In either case, it doesn’t mean anything now anyway.