I don’t play much vidya these days. Well frankly I don’t play any vidya these days, but let’s check in on the Vidya Market and see what STEAM is promoting on their main page.

I’m sorry, what?

My quest to understand OnlyFap Simulator 2 lead me to googling it, or in my case, DuckDuckGoing. The first result is shown above, and there literally is someone going “LOL WTF IS THIS,” coincidentally my exact reaction. Clicking on that brings us to this page, wherein OP makes the following solid points.

I saw this on the main page of the Steam store somehow and all I can say is WTF.

This looks like some straight up pedo bait. How can this even be sold? Who buys this crap?

Well I mean pedophiles do exist, so there is a market for this I suppose. You’d just hope that the market wasn’t the front page of Steam. 

My efforts to know more about OnlyFap Simulator were again stymied by Valve. And not just the above easily bypassed screen. I fired up Steam for the first time in ages, searched for “onlyfap simulator,” and was greeted with the following. 

Steam saved my virgin eyeballs from whatever Eldritch horrors awaited me with OnlyFap Simulator 2. But since you need content, I clicked on that anyway.

I honestly can’t screencap anything particularly relevant, because I was blown away by how explicit this shit was. It’s full on CGI porn masquerading as a video game, and the little images beneath the main video should get you the gist of things.

OnlyFap Simulator 2 is a casual clicker adult game that looks like a popular social media. You should help main character to earn enough money to start making streams.

After each level an amount of streams becomes higher, and you need to hire team that helps you to manage and promote your account to become popular, and build huge fan base.

After every reached goal you gonna be surprised with amazing video with female protagonist.

Who the fuck wrote this?

It reads like it was originally written in Chinese, then translated into Korean by a Taiwanese corn husker before being translated into English by late 90’s auto-translate software. This is not how you sell something, my friends, although apparently it was good enough to get onto the Steam main page, so what do I know?

Words cannot express my pride at receiving this message from Valve.

This game doesn’t look like other things you’ve played in the past.

No, it really doesn’t Valve, because in the past I played actual video games like Halo or Starcraft or something else that wasn’t creepy anime porn. But it’s nice to get confirmation that I’m not a pervert from Valve themselves. Thanks for that, Gabe.

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1 Comment

  1. […] Of course, they went way too far in the other direction, with low quality “adult” games being featured on their main page. Still, if that was the way they got around the constant Globo Homo Schlomo […]

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