I’ve been making fun of Jordan Peterson recently. I’m not alone in that respect. Murdoch Murdoch had arguably the greatest takedown of this shill ever and this was back in 2018 I believe.

But in my second last piece on him I offered Peterson a path to redemption. If he’s been doing the bit with Ben Shapiro’s Daily Wire in order to get closer to Abby’s Khazar Milkers, then all will be forgiven. Or at least, I can understand.

As if on cue, Peterson just dropped this fire track.

I would first like to say that it is time for those of you in the Muslim World to stop fighting among yourselves you Shi’ites and Sunnis. You are all threatened in a very real sense by the ancient, demonic, politically correct, degenerate neo-marxist JEWS!

The true enemy is THE JEW!

Based Juden Peterstein wasn’t done. He sat down with the Daily Rake for a tell all interview, just as Emma Watson, Lindsay Graham, and Elon Musk have done before.


SCENE: The Daily Rake’s lavish news studio. Camera pans in on the absurdly handsome Dr. Shekelstein with his long blonde hair, and piercing blue eyes. Or in our updated case, this guy.

We see that despite his claims of long blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, this man is 100% Pure Heeb Phenotype. He’s not particularly well groomed, wearing a mostly fitting sweatshirt and sitting behind a counter, but he’s made something of an effort. You get the sense that if his clothes were ripped off by an adoring fan, we would be greeted to the site of a pretty standard naked man, so let’s not be doing that anytime soon.

Shekelstein turns his moderately handsome face towards the camera as his deep, smooth, unmistakably masculine and yet disarmingly friendly baritone begins the show.

Shekelstein: Recently here at The Daily Rake we documented Jordan Peterson, formerly known as Juden Peterstein –

*tasteful titters from the audience*

– coming out as advocating for the complete destruction of the jews. Peterson received quite a lot of negative press for his courageous statement, with Schlomos everywhere predictably seething. Turns out Jordan Peterson is far from a rookie when it comes to pro-White politics. But I don’t need to speak for Mr. Peterson because tonight we have none other than everyone’s favourite Kermit the Frog impersonator on Daily Rake Saves the Universe.

SCENE: The band strikes up the introduction theme. As the mildly annoying yet inexplicably catchy jingle plays we see Juden Peterstein walking out from backstage and waving to the crowd. Peterson looks like he died six years ago, with the benzos really doing a number on him, but the Emperor Palpatine lookalike who sounds like Kermit the Frog takes a seat next to the mildly handsome Dr. Shekelstein as the audience tastefully cheers and claps for him.

Shekelstein: Jordan Peterson – (He lets the name play out on the tongue as he turns to his guest) – in the flesh. How are you Mr. Peterson?

Jordan Peterson: Doing great. It’s great to be here.

Shekelstein: And we’re so happy to have you here. If we could –

Jordan Peterson: If I could interrupt for a moment.

Shekelstein: Of course Mr. Peterson.

Peterson: Can I just say that I find it so nice to be surrounded by all of these White faces.

*The audience, henceforth subdued, breaks out into a laugh followed by a hearty applause.*

Peterson: Seriously, I live in Toronto now, feels like I’m in Hong Kong. And then I’ve got all these kikes like Benny Shapiro that I supposedly work for these days ordering me about.

Shekelstein: (laughs) Mr. Peterson, about that.

Peterson: Yeah I swear to god it’s not even Asians these days. I feel like I’m walking down the street in Mogadishu sometimes.

Shekelstein: No it’s awful, but I meant about the jews you work for…

Peterson: Kikes.

Shekelstein: I beg your pardon?

Peterson: I said kikes Dr. Shekelstein. I’m a big believer in free speech, let’s not self censor on the Daily Rake of all places.

Taken from Peterson’s arrest in his youth for setting fire to a synagogue.

Shekelstein: Something I think we can all get behind. Now you were saying something –

Peterson: Although I will say, that little heeb rat Benny Shapiro.

Shekelstein: About Mr. Shapiro…

Peterson: I’d fuck his sister any day of the week.

Shekelstein: Oh I think we all would Mr. Peterson, even if some of us are too hardcore to admit it.

Peterson: The contrast between the angelic, majestic, some would say almost mythical – and when I say mythical I mean that truly in the sense of the classical Greek myths. You know the Aristotelian ethos behind all of the great tales of Western Canon. Because deep down inside, all great myths involve a dragon, a gate, and a treasure. Where the dragon, gate, and treasure are often times metaphysical realizations of our id, which is to say, not real. And our id is simply the manifestation of –

Shekelstein: Dr. Peterson I’m going to have to interrupt you for a second. What does this have to do with Abby Shapiro?

Peterson: Well the treasure in this case is Abby Shapiro’s Hebrew Honkers.

Shekelstein: Okay this is a PG-13 show, but I’ll allow it.

Peterson: The gate is that fucking midget kike Ben Shapiro, who has cockblocked me so many times as I try to rawdog his hot sisters poon.

Once again, this is fake. Funny, but fake.

Shekelstein: Okay and the dragon.

Peterson: Oh well that’s me.

Shekelstein: (Momentary pause) so… you’re the dragon guarding your own innate desires to bang Abby Shapiro?

Peterson: No it’s just that there’s a dragon inside me.

Shekelstein: Okay but what does that mean?

Peterson: The dragon represents the masculine desire and urge to create. That’s why in all the greatest myths of Western Civilization, and even if we look, you know if we look at some Oriental stories they also involve dragons. And the dragon, sometimes it’s real, sometimes it’s, well actually it’s usually pretty literal in all the stories I’ve read. But hypothetically it could also be a metaphorical dragon.

Shekelstein: So is the dragon inside of you metaphorical or are we about to film the sequel to Ridley Scott’s Alien?

Peterson: No, the dragon is a metaphysical manifestation of mans desires and urge to create. The dragon represents masculinity. Because dragons, like all monsters, have the will to create or to destroy. It’s biblical in nature, these dragons. And it’s –

Shekelstein: Can we maybe skip ahead a little bit with this dragon stuff.

Peterson: Right, what about the dragon?

Shekelstein: What does the dragon want?

Peterson: He wants to bang Abby Shapiro.

Shekelstein: So there’s a dragon in you that wants to have sex with Abby Shapiro, but there’s the gate in the form of Ben Shapiro that’s standing in the way.

Peterson: “Have sex with,” doesn’t fully encapsulate the pathos of this dragon. He does not want to have sex with Abby Shapiro, he want to hear her screaming as her pleasure drips down his balls.

Shekelstein: Oh my god.

Peterson: He wants to hear Abby Shapiro saying “I’m your naughty little jewish slut,” over and over again while he’s rawdogging her from the back with his thumb knuckle deep in her ass.

Shekelstein: (face dismayed) Mr. Peterson… I think we –

Peterson: The dragon, also named Jordan Peterson, wants to get Abby Shapiro pregnant with his dragon babies. Then he sucks all the breastmilk from her voluptuous Hebrew Honkers, causing his dragon babies to die of thirst.

Shekelstein: I – okay. I mean… why? What is –

Peterson: He wants to bring over Abby Shapiro’s best friends and fuck them in front of her to humiliate her, and reinforce her place as just one of the whores in his harem. 

Shekelstein: This dragon appears to have quite the detailed fantasies involving Abby Shapiro.

Peterson: No, but he’s me. That’s the genius. The dragon isn’t real, it’s just my innate desires and –

Shekelstein: Yeah no I got that, moving on. Can we talk about this Benny Shapiro character for a bit?

Peterson: Oh that little rat faced kike.

*Audience cheers*

Shekelstein: That doesn’t really narrow it down as much as you might think.

*Tasteful laughter from audience*

Peterson: You don’t need to tell me Shekelstein. The Intellectual Dork Web is probably more jew than Yidsrael at this point.

*Crowd goes wild before quickly being subdued again. Shekelstein smiles at Peterson’s joke*

Shekelstein: Peterson I have to admit, we always thought you were something of a gatekeeper. It’s nice to see you speaking so candidly about the Heebs.

Peterson: No, Ben Shapiro was the gatekeeper.

Shekelstein: Of Abby Shapiro’s vertical smile, but I meant politically.

Peterson: I’ve been our man on the inside right from the very start. I tried making the cuck-right so faggoty that it would be discredited forever.

Shekelstein: Sure seems that way.

Peterson: But what I couldn’t count on was so much censorship of true Aryan Warriors like yourself that those devious kikels at the Daily Wire could get away with having at least something of an audience.

Shekelstein: I do remember Ben Shapiro quitting the internet in a huff for a year, only coming back after all Uppity Goyim had been censored.

Peterson: Precisely, that’s exactly correct. I have been toiling to be as ridiculous a character as possible for years, trying to get these koshervatives oven’d. 

Shekelstein: Get them removed from political relevance.

Peterson: No I mean literally want to look at Ben Shapiro one last time before I shove him into a locker filled with a mildly toxic insecticide. I want another Holocaust.

Peterson sent us this meme he had made before the show in MS Paint.

Shekelstein: But you know Jordan, the Holocaust never actually happened. It’s just a made up – 

Peterson: I know, Adolf Hitler was a real cuck.

*Audience laughs appropriately*

Peterson: After I get through all the idiotic nonsense that I have to do for Daily Wire, I’m starting a series on the psychology of Hitler. It’s called “Not killing the jews when you have the chance: psychology of a micropenises cuck.” By Jordan Peterson, obviously.

Shekelstein: Well I can’t say that I endorse that, but specifically with respect to your con you made it clear multiple times that your number one goal was to stop White Nationalism. What’s up with that?

Peterson: Well White Nationalism is gay.

*Subdued audience gasp*

Shekelstein: I beg your pardon Peterson.

Peterson: I am not some “nationalism for all,” cuck. I am a goddamn Aryan Supremacist. I am a Third Worlder Exterminationist. If there are going to be brown people in the World, they’re going to be slaving away in our death camps, not off there in shitholistan living their lives in peace.

Shekelstein: Well you know Peterson pointing out Schlomo’s like Benny Shapiro’s support of the ongoing genocide of Palestinians is one of the best arguments we can –

Peterson: The way jews treat those Palestinian filth animals is the one and only good thing about them. I’m tired of this “genociding brown people is bad,” garbage. Get that shit the fuck away from me. I’m Jordan Peterson and I support the indescriminate murder of brown people worldwide, but especially here in Canada.

Shekelstein: Well Dr. Peterson we’re running out of time. I can’t say I endorse what you’re saying, but I get where you’re coming from. Is there anything you’d like to add?

Peterson: Yes, the dragon inside of me has something he wants more than anything else in the World.

Shekelstein: What does he want?

Peterson: He’s speaking to me now.

Shekelstein: What’s he saying Mr. Peterson?

Peterson: It started as a whisper, and now he’s screaming it in a demonic, bestial rage, the likes of which the World has never heard before.

Shekelstein: Tell me Mr. Peterson. What does this dragon want?

Peterson: He’s saying that he’d really like to bend over Abby Shapiro, tie her hands behind her back and put a bright red ball gag in her mouth. Then he’d like to –

Shekelstein: Okay we’re going to end it here. Mr. Peterson everyone!

SCENE: Shekelstein and Peterson stand up as the audience cheers their approval. After a few moments they turn to each other, shake hands, and pat each other on the back. It’s surprisingly masculine considering Jordan Peterson is involved. Then, after a quick wave to the audience, Peterson walks out back the path he came in on, waving and smiling to the crowd.

Shekelstein: And with that it’s another Daily Rake Saves the Universe. Tune in next time as we get Vince Vaughn on here after video of him going around engaging in vigilante justice on behalf of Jupiter Paulsen went viral.

SCENE: Camera zooms back out, pans to the crowd. As Shekelstein waves to the crowd the band begins to play. The show cuts to black as the credits role.

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1 Comment

  1. Abby Shapiro milker jokes never get old. And Michelle Trachtenberg is hot AF. A conundrum.

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